Noah Jacobusjabronus@mastodon.design
Aug 21, 2026, 8:39 PMI donated blood last week and just received this extremely cursed image in a follow-up email.
Replies
Aug 21, 2026, 8:44 PM@jabronus WHAT IS HE DOING WITH IT
- Noah Jacobusjabronus@mastodon.designAug 21, 2026, 8:49 PM
@robb many are asking this
Braths_d_brath@mastodon.socialAug 21, 2026, 9:27 PM@jabronus don't worry. The middle-aged white guy in an unmarked white van, is smiling widely, so it must be good.
Aug 21, 2026, 9:59 PM@s_d_brath @jabronus plus, a reflection is barely visible in the window, of his clothes at least.
- Braths_d_brath@mastodon.socialAug 21, 2026, 10:22 PM
I_give_u_wormsi_give_u_worms@beige.partyAug 21, 2026, 9:29 PM
Aug 21, 2026, 9:34 PM@jabronus@mastodon.design "ha ha ha! oh, you, asking about where your blood went and what I'm doing with this box of blood! you're so funny!"
_IanOfEarth_IanOfEarth@keyboards.socialAug 21, 2026, 10:01 PM@jabronus same energy
Allusiongiltay@tenforward.socialAug 22, 2026, 11:38 AM@_IanOfEarth @jabronus :moopsy:
Alesandro Ortiz 🇵🇷🏳️🌈AlesandroOrtiz@infosec.exchangeAug 21, 2026, 10:12 PM@jabronus Dear Noah,
Your blood has been stolen in a security breach. Please read this entire notice carefully as it provides important information.
WHERE DID MY BLOOD GO?
We are in the early stages of investigation, but preliminarily it was stolen from an unlocked van, possibly in a wooded area as shown in the photo we received in the ransom note asking for more blood.
IS THE BLOOD IN MY BODY AT RISK?
Not immediately, but we have reason to believe the suspect is also a serial killer. They were last seen in a wooded area possibly collecting blood from an unknown source [be vague when sending out notice; do not mention the bodies]. Therefore, your remaining blood may still be at risk.
HOW CAN I KEEP MY BLOOD SAFE IN THE FUTURE?
Don't share needles, don't leave blood samples unattended, lock your doors, and run background checks on people who collect your blood.
Aug 22, 2026, 1:49 PMI hate that we've all received so many of these notices that we get this joke, but well played!
The Witch of Crow Briarcrowbriarhexe@tech.lgbtAug 21, 2026, 10:20 PM@jabronus Dude, Where’s My Blood?
Melissa BearTrixMelissaBearTrix@gives.hugz.onlineAug 21, 2026, 10:22 PM
Dud and Forgotten.BackFromTheDud@mas.toAug 21, 2026, 10:23 PM@jabronus It looks like a still from "Breaking Bad"!
helpsterTeehelpsterTee@social.helpsterte.euAug 21, 2026, 11:13 PM
Anarchic Teapot ⚧️anarchic_teapot@oc.todon.frAug 21, 2026, 11:36 PM@jabronus Let me guess: a band composed entirely of vampires has covered an old Supremes hit and this is the cover art.
Sarahsarah@sosial.linkAug 21, 2026, 11:39 PM@jabronus@mastodon.design
Don't book a flight anytime soon, would suck if you went to Miami while the airfare company sent your blood to France or something.
I've seen it happen to luggage.
Olga Lovick (she/her)transitionalaspect@fnordon.deAug 21, 2026, 11:53 PM@jabronus I guess they want to make sure you never donate again?
hackermanhackerman@mastodon.xyzAug 21, 2026, 11:56 PM
surdfishsurdfish@beige.partyAug 22, 2026, 12:08 AMIsn't that a Supremes song?
Bryan L. FordhamBfordham@infosec.exchangeAug 22, 2026, 12:08 AM@jabronus i immediately heard a very different version of The Supremes:
Baby, baby,
Where did our blood go?
Arcadiagt5arcadiagt5@mstdn.socialAug 22, 2026, 12:23 AM@jabronus I am, alas, banned from donating blood in #Oz on account of having had a teeny tiny #TransientIschaemicAttack back on 1 September 2023, and despite having a letter from a GP saying that I’m stable and medically fit to give blood.
Celeste Ryder 🐾 🐀🏳️🌈bougiewonderland@freeradical.zoneAug 22, 2026, 1:26 AM@jabronus I know what you did with my blood
Aug 22, 2026, 1:28 AM@jabronus@mastodon.design i eated it 😋
Baral'heia Stormdancer ΘΔ🐲baralheia@dragonchat.orgAug 22, 2026, 1:52 AM@jabronus My blood! H-he punched out all my blood!
Colincolingourlay@bne.socialAug 22, 2026, 2:27 AM@jabronus thank you for the fit of giggles I’m currently experiencing
Aug 22, 2026, 3:15 AM@jabronus probably just a weird vampire…
Aug 22, 2026, 3:52 AM@jabronus
reminds me of a comedy skit i saw
“i never donating blood again! ever! the very second you walk in the door, just question after question ‘where’d you get it? why’s it in a bucket?’ do ya fuckin want it or don’t ya?!”
Orange Lizard GirlthingNaahraTheScaled@furry.engineerAug 22, 2026, 9:17 AM@SeaDonut Much the same with donating kidneys. When someone donates a kidney they're a hero, but when I try to donate twelve at once they start asking all these questions.
Joscelyn TranspiringJoscelynTransient@chaosfem.twAug 22, 2026, 4:39 AM@jabronus Where did….MY BLOOD GO?
- Joscelyn TranspiringJoscelynTransient@chaosfem.twAug 22, 2026, 4:40 AM
@jabronus WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY BLOOD?! HOW LONG UNTIL I DIE WITHOUT IT????
tillian 🦊🇰🇿:anarchism: :antifa: ACABmynameistillian@plush.cityAug 22, 2026, 5:45 AM@jabronus youtube clickbait thumbnail energy
Acceptable Normienormjess@tech.lgbtAug 22, 2026, 6:08 AM@jabronus clearly it went to Transylvania
via the second biggest blood sucking capital; Washington D.C.
Alex Hoffmannmangochutney@social.lolAug 22, 2026, 6:25 AM@jabronus @rmondello I guess you can be glad that the delivery person is not a sparkly vampire.
Jellyfriend :jellybin:jellyfriend@plush.cityAug 22, 2026, 7:13 AM@jabronus incredible
SeiðrIlluminatus@mstdn.socialAug 22, 2026, 7:45 AM@jabronus Every acquaintance of Count Dracula and Lestat.
Aug 22, 2026, 8:20 AM@jabronus We Have Your
PackageBlood
LRlritter@mastodon.gamedev.placeAug 22, 2026, 8:34 AM@jabronus is this the sequel to disney's "where is my water?"
Aug 22, 2026, 8:48 AM@jabronus Let's see. I came in the front door and put my shoes in the mudroom…put my keys on the hook…brought the groceries into the kitchen and put them away…got the ice cream out the freezer and brought it with me to the table, which means my blood should be riiiiight…
…Dammit!
Arakinarakin@meow.socialAug 22, 2026, 11:01 AM@jabronus he's looking remarkably healthy for a vampire's familiar 🤔
Sue Briccay :flag_asexual:essjayjay@tech.lgbtAug 22, 2026, 11:04 AMThis cover version of The Supremes' biggest hit is a bit shite.
Aug 22, 2026, 11:13 AM@jabronus but why is the blood gone?
ozengozeng@aus.socialAug 22, 2026, 11:41 AM@jabronus @alicemcalicepants we’re really sorry, hackers made off with your blood type and 57% of your genes.
StarkRG@myside-yourside.netAug 22, 2026, 11:56 AM@jabronus All it needs is the word "all" inserted in that space they kindly left after "did." 🤣
Library Monsterlibrarymonster@glammr.usAug 22, 2026, 12:09 PM@jabronus guy's breaking bad with your blood
Embermbr@blahaj.zoneAug 22, 2026, 12:31 PM@jabronus@mastodon.design it went to the vampires, of course. ever since blood donations became a thing, deaths from blood loss went down, because they can now slurp those instead of killing people.
Aug 22, 2026, 1:04 PM
eviloatmealeviloatmeal@floppy.peepee.partyAug 22, 2026, 2:34 PM@jabronus :OhNo:
StomataStomata@procial.tchncs.deAug 22, 2026, 2:40 PM@jabronus@mastodon.design don't tell me he's going for a drink :blobcatfearful:
Aug 22, 2026, 2:47 PMGeorge Washington's last words.
alxvstheworldalxvs@retro.pizzaAug 22, 2026, 4:03 PM@jabronus I'M SCREAMING
Joshua Gravesjoshua@hooray.computerAug 22, 2026, 4:18 PM@jabronus @RobotDiver incredible content
Megan Lynch (she/her)meganL@mas.toAug 22, 2026, 6:30 PM@jabronus I cannot help but put it to the tune...
