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Cabel Sassercabel@panic.com
Jul 26, 2026, 3:39 PM
the temu app will be studied for generations.
i opened the app, and recorded this unedited, nearly two minute, launch sequence. it somehow just gets funnier and more absurd
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Replies

Adrianoadriano@lile.cl
Jul 26, 2026, 3:44 PM
@cabel The actual Predator from the movie looked at this and went "whoa, whooa. Maybe calm down", in their chittering language.
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Stefan Arentz 🇳🇱 🇨🇦st3fan@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 3:44 PM
@cabel you know what to do .. buy two items!
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Drew Pickarddrewpickard@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 3:52 PM
@cabel
BAD DAY TO BE A HOT DOG
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cthos 🐱cthos@mastodon.cthos.dev
Jul 26, 2026, 4:03 PM
@cabel Yeah this is how Gacha games look, right down to the ever stacking login bonus
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Fluffy Kitty Catfluffykittycat@furry.engineer
Jul 27, 2026, 2:29 AM
@cthos @cabel I'm imagining all of these sorts of things are suffering from convergent evolution. It's going to make them look more alike and easier to spot. People are going to see patterns and this one's standing out like a sore thumb
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phookyphooky@hexa.club
Jul 26, 2026, 4:10 PM
@cabel I can't believe this is real and yet
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Danny Garsideda5nsy@social.coop
Jul 26, 2026, 4:14 PM
@cabel ... what in the fresh capitalist hell is that?
I find myself weirdly compelled to buy things, just from watching it...
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Jason Petersen (he)jason@logoff.website
Jul 26, 2026, 4:16 PM
@cabel I feel like continuing to use this app is a moral ill
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Bill, organizer of stuffwcbdata@vis.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:21 PM
@cabel The website is bad enough. That's horrific...
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Pete's Mom 🍉 🇺🇦 ☮️Petesmom@kolektiva.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:24 PM
@cabel
Eerily similar to casino machines. Looks like somebody did their homework on how to draw in and addict people to an app.
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Locked Librarian :labrys-45-sickle: :cacomf: patchuun@social.xenofem.me
Jul 26, 2026, 4:29 PM
@cabel it's like a gacha game
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ARGVMI~1.PIFargv_minus_one@mastodon.sdf.org
Jul 26, 2026, 4:33 PM
@cabel
Ugh. The amount of unnecessary work that went into all this unnecessary animation… 😮
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Mieszko Ślusarczykspitfire@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:33 PM
@cabel ok valued customer
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Allie!dotsie@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:37 PM
@cabel this is like dark pattern bingo, except every single square is filled in, on every sheet in the whole bingo hall at once.
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Fluffy Kitty Catfluffykittycat@furry.engineer
Jul 27, 2026, 2:31 AM
@dotsie @cabel the fact they're being this overt means they're probably deep into enshittification
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Rob Ricciricci@discuss.systems
Jul 27, 2026, 8:24 AM
@dotsie @cabel it's black MIDI but for dark patterns
@arichtman
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davdav@sineware.ca
Jul 26, 2026, 4:35 PM
@cabel i like how the 3.2.1 counter starts after the main 30 min timer starts
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Dan 🌻danvolchek@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:38 PM
@cabel holy fucking shit
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Mistymisty@digipres.club
Jul 26, 2026, 4:52 PM
@cabel Geeeeze, wow
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Jon HancockBigJackBrass@vivaldi.net
Jul 26, 2026, 4:53 PM
@cabel Does it ever stop and let you buy anything?
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ROTOPE~1 ⭐️rotopenguin@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 4:55 PM
@cabel I'm a billionaire, and I can confirm that this is what it's like for me to go shopping. Every time.
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Craig Hockenberrychockenberry@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:09 PM
@cabel CAN I BORROW THREE HUNDRED AN FIVE BUCKS THX
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RBuzzRBuzz@ioc.exchange
Jul 26, 2026, 5:13 PM
@cabel
Wow I feel like I'm stupider now
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Lukelpl@metalhead.club
Jul 26, 2026, 5:14 PM
@cabel @anji Somehow I feel like I just snorted a line of coke.
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_disfavoredOverload_disfavoredOverload@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:15 PM
@cabel I heard the creator of Too Many Cooks had a big new project, but I thought it was going to be a movie…
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:bzh:‌FAG WOLF SIPH‌:siph:Siph@meemu.org
Jul 26, 2026, 5:26 PM
@cabel this makes me want to die lmao
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Damirpeacegiverman@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:32 PM
@cabel Of all the things, this reminds me of SharperFX animations:
https://web.archive.org/web/20221205114235/http://www.sharperfx.com/nb1/
https://web.archive.org/web/20130828181952/http://www.sharperfx.com/kkmime/index13.htm
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NigmaNigma@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:38 PM
@cabel I almost had a stroke watching this
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Miah Johnsonmiah@hachyderm.io
Jul 26, 2026, 5:41 PM
@cabel I think slot machines in Vegas aren't as predatory 🤣
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Violet ProcyonViolet@chitter.xyz
Jul 26, 2026, 5:40 PM
@cabel trainpal (a UK rail booking app) does exactly the same bullshit
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sam :neocat_box:sam@shonk.sam.ax
Jul 26, 2026, 9:08 PM
@Violet@chitter.xyz @cabel@social.panic.com this reeks like some rather unsavoury "gamification as a service" company, I’ve seen a few of them shoehorned into existing things but nothing this egregious
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sam :neocat_box:sam@shonk.sam.ax
Jul 26, 2026, 9:09 PM
@Violet@chitter.xyz @cabel@social.panic.com also if thats the "2026 easy mode" I don't want to know what the "2026 hard mode" is
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leah & flutters & nose, oh my!mewsleah@meow.social
Jul 26, 2026, 9:33 PM
@sam @Violet @cabel that's when you actually try to buy a train ticket :-(
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Мя ��mo@mastodon.ml
Jul 26, 2026, 5:41 PM
@cabel for someone abroad, what is temu..? Because what I see is poor made mobile game (contains ads) (in-app purchases) :blobcatgooglyholdingitsheadinitshands:
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MiredlyMiredly@raru.re
Jul 26, 2026, 5:42 PM
@cabel This is how you make a Cayce Pollard
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Tristamswiftcoder@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:44 PM
@cabel Finding the video games embedded in the AliExpress app is still a surreal moment
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Ovidi NawerNawer_Rapter@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 5:45 PM
@cabel this is just a gambling machine at the bottom of a spanish bar how the fuck is this even legal.
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Athena L.M.alilly@solarpunk.moe
Jul 26, 2026, 5:51 PM
@cabel holy hell how much time pressure can they put you under
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DraysonDrayson@dragonchat.org
Jul 26, 2026, 6:10 PM
@cabel What is this candy crush ahh bs
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David Thomsondwlt@mastodon.me.uk
Jul 26, 2026, 6:20 PM
@cabel how on earth is that even legal?
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Keithkeydelk@fosstodon.org
Jul 26, 2026, 6:27 PM
@cabel I tried the Temu app once, years ago, before I knew what it was. I opened the app, saw ads like this (maybe slightly less extreme a few years ago), and immediately thought "this must be a scam" and un-installed it.
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devolutedevolute@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 6:29 PM
@cabel If you think about this for too long it quickly becomes incredibly tragic.
1. It obviously targets people with gambling-abuse personalities.
2. We have a landfill crisis in the UK.
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🇨🇦 CowMan 🇪🇺 🇺🇦 🇲🇽CowMan@thecanadian.social
Jul 26, 2026, 6:30 PM
@cabel so.... get that $405?
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Going T. Mainegoing_to_maine@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 6:56 PM
@cabel this lacks the elegance and refinement of American capitalism.
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TheEJJ 🇨🇦TheEjj@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 6:58 PM
@cabel Ok, if I’m following this correctly, you now own a warehouse in Southeast Asia and you can unlock all the things in it by selling everything to other temu users?
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J. Blakejblake@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 7:00 PM
@cabel I don’t know how anyone successfully makes a purchase on this app.
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Coquetel Muitolovevictor2347@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 7:01 PM
@cabel ifood is almost as bad
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fart :3frahtehderp@beige.party
Jul 26, 2026, 7:03 PM
@cabel i remember i opened temu once because my friend sent me a promo code. i made it about ten seconds before i said "i can't do this im scared" and deleted the app
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Official Kakistocracy Jester 🪓OGJester@pnw.zone
Jul 26, 2026, 7:04 PM
@cabel it’s like a shopping app, but targeted towards seven-year-olds.
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Xenotime, Librarian of Æther :trans_fedi:xeno@hexokina.se
Jul 26, 2026, 8:20 PM
@cabel@social.panic.com we really do live in the dumbest cyberpunk dystopia possible
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eVOTErraevoterra@podvibes.co
Jul 26, 2026, 8:22 PM
@cabel
Yeah, I’m not high enough for this kind of nonsense.
@benroyce
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ewhacewhac@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 8:42 PM
@cabel I guess we now know where all those devs laid off from King and Zynga ended up...
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OddOpinions5failedLyndonLaRouchite@mas.to
Jul 26, 2026, 8:43 PM
@cabel Do I never see stuff like this because I don't own a smartphone, but use a lap top ?
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crabbycrabby@mastodon.world
Jul 26, 2026, 8:56 PM
@cabel
' the fuck is that ?
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Evasmolbrain@floofy.tech
Jul 26, 2026, 8:57 PM
@cabel coming across this before I saw the text
Me: Can we have tumblr
Mom: We have tumblr at home
Tumblr at home: temu mastodon
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Synnef 🤍💙💛synnef@woof.tech
Jul 26, 2026, 9:10 PM
@cabel the ai generated mailman (?) at the end is just the cherry on top :blobfoxgooglyholdingitsheadinitshands:
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Alice Pea (she/her) 🏳️‍⚧️alice_pea_3526@mastodon.social
Jul 26, 2026, 9:34 PM
@cabel Holy sensory overload. This is unbearable for me to watch. This is an accessibility issue for someone like me. I can't have too many flashy things where they don't belong. Many of those animations animations make me nausious.
What do they think their app is, a slot machine in a casino or something?
If there isn't already a reason for me to avoid Temu like the plague, there is now. Lord have mercy...
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Nazonazokiyoubinbou@urusai.social
Jul 26, 2026, 9:54 PM
@cabel This is... shockingly obnoxious... Did it make sound too? Because I think that would be the point I might actually consider breaking my own phone.
I think what gets me is the sheer desperation that this just positively exudes.
Also why is the contrast so freaking low. I can imagine the full vibrancy would hurt the eyes a lot too, but this somehow manages to be actually more strain...
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gavinisdie :troll:gavinisdie@masto.ai
Jul 26, 2026, 10:46 PM
@cabel never used it but the ads for this app were a major reason I started using adblockers
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