Oct 31, 2026, 2:21 PM“hmm I advertised my company as anti-oil and got a bunch of Just Stop Oil protestors to sign up and recommend my services to their friends, and now they’re angry and protesting because I opened up just a small chain of gas stations. what’s their problem?”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:24 PM“we only tested these cruelty-free cosmetics on one animal and it didn’t die this time. aren’t you exaggerating when you say we’re not cruelty-free?”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:27 PM“we’re completely against sweatshop labor!
of course our clothing is still manufactured in sweatshops, we never said anything about our own use of sweatshops. we’re just completely anti-sweatshop otherwise though!”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:27 PMI can go on
Oct 31, 2026, 2:30 PM“we don’t sell any blood diamonds. we wash the blood off first”
ok this one is just a dad joke, im sorry
Oct 31, 2026, 2:37 PM“by our own internal definition, the Ford F-350 Super Raptor is an emissions-free vehicle. what do you mean you don’t care?”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:40 PM“look, do you see any emissions? yes I know it’s parked and the built-in rolling coal switch is currently set to off, that’s what makes it green”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:41 PM“if you really think about it, this truck will actually solve climate change”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:43 PM“it’s actually worse for the environment when you ride a bicycle because the metal for 1000 bicycles could have gone into manufacturing a truck that some guy will only drive to the store. and I don’t know if you know this, but 1000 people are more than just one”
Oct 31, 2026, 2:44 PMgod this has to be some unhinged shit some grifter said on a podcast
Oct 31, 2026, 4:14 PM@zzt You'd get standing ovations from every single Ben Shapiro fanboi for that.
Oct 31, 2026, 4:14 PM@menos checkmate cyclists
Oct 31, 2026, 3:28 PM@zzt (torn between laughing and weeping)
Oct 31, 2026, 2:43 PM@zzt "Mega Raptor" sounds like a monstrosity released to compete with Canyonero.
Oct 31, 2026, 2:48 PM@LeDiva it’s a power wheels pedal car for oversized kids, except with the destructive power of a tank and the fragility of a man
@LeDiva @zzt Mega Raptor is a general term for after market conversion kits on an F-250 or F-350 Super Duty. Like a Shelby or Cobra Mustang. MegaRexx Trucks is one of those builders. They really do have tremendous payload and towing capacity, assuming anyone buys and uses one for actual work.
https://eco-savvy.blog/mega-raptor-ford-specs-cost
Oct 31, 2026, 4:03 PM
@zzt I am laughing uncontrollably because the weird attempt at uparmoring the front of that truck will serve to funnel everything you hit directly into the open drive train. It’s like the physical manifestation of hitting yourself in the dick with a hammer.
Oct 31, 2026, 3:34 PM@knaackbuilt @zzt When all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a dick
Oct 31, 2026, 3:38 PMThat's a one-off monster truck show vehicle, yes? Yes? 🥹
Oct 31, 2026, 4:05 PM@zzt @wonka Enh. Not sure. They're all custom conversions, so some look better than others.
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=mega+raptor+truck&iar=images
@zzt
I bought a blood diamond, it didn't even HAVE any blood. I was so mad.
@FritzAdalis @zzt haven't you heard, you can't get blood from a stone?
@beeoproblem @zzt
Nicely done.
Oct 31, 2026, 4:08 PM@zzt Our team of expert jewelers has reviewed these diamonds. They fully understand the structure of these diamonds and there is not a trace of blood anywhere on them. Why do you keep calling them "blood diamonds"?
@zzt we're MORALLY against sweatshops. but FINANCIALLY, aren't they really just a tool?
@trenchworms @zzt Look, chocolate produced with child slavery is just as delicious as your lovingly produced fair trade chocolate, so why are you so upset? It's how good the chocolate is that matters.
Oct 31, 2026, 3:54 PM@mathew @trenchworms @zzt Well Akshuually ... (hihi) ... the locally produced chocolate they make here in town is way WAY better than the usual crap in the stores... And no child labour needed.
@trenchworms @zzt This reminds me of what actually happened to The Body Shop.
@dnkboston
something unholy, i assume
(sorry about my pop culture references. they will happen again.)
@trenchworms @zzt
@ozzelot Bring it @trenchworms @zzt
Fi nancy lee, we are all tools
@zzt against sweatshops, so ours have air conditioning; no sweat!
Oct 31, 2026, 2:49 PM@Laukidh the AC is broken and will never be repaired but is still marketed as a job benefit
if you sweat on the merchandise you get fired, of course
@zzt "we're totally against sweatshops, so we use prison labor instead!"
Oct 31, 2026, 2:39 PM@zzt i wonder if mozilla will ever understand what it feels like for a human being to hear the phrase, "where oil is always a choice"
@zzt
“Wait! Wait! We were joking!…
We use only palm oil…”