Whelm levels:
Ultrawhelmed +++
Hyperwhelmed ++
Overwhelmed +
Eigenwhelmed ✓
Superwhelmed ↑
Equiwhelmed =
Subwhelmed ↓
Antiwhelmed X
Underwhelmed -
Hypowhelmed --
Infrawhelmed ---
The human eye is physically incapable of detecting people who are infrawhelmed or ultrawhelmed, but many animals and insects can.
If you are either hyper- or hypowhelmed, seek medical help immediately
It's best to limit your lifetime whelm exposure to prevent becoming necrowhelmed
Whelm levels and whelm states are an area of ongoing active research. Whelmic interactions are one of the great mysteries of our time. Many whelmologists believe a Grand Unified Theory Of Whelm is possible in our lifetimes, and it could revolutionize society in ways we can't even imagine.
An interest in whelm can open the door to many exciting careers, such as:
- Whelmologist
- Whelmographer
- Whelmic Engineering
- Whelm Technician
- Occupational Whelmician
- Chief Whelmic Officer
And many more!
The SI unit for whelm is called the Kafka (Kf) after Franz Kafka, the first person to quantify whelm. ±1000 Kf (1 kKf) is the average amount of whelm required to take someone from being equiwhelmed with their environment to being eigenwhelmed (+) or antiwhelmed (-), though whelm capacity varies from person to person.
Gregor Samsa, the subject of Kafka's groundbreaking research, was estimated to have reached whelm levels of at least 25 GKf after being unexpectedly transformed into a giant beetle
An informal unit is the Franz (Fz), which is 1 kKf
Oct 12, 2026, 12:30 AM
@malcircuit at this point, I am just whelmed I guess
@_sivizius @malcircuit Reminds me of the Office: "Michael, I underestimated you." "Well, maybe next time, you'll estimate me."
Oct 12, 2026, 1:06 PM@malcircuit Occupational Whelmician seems like a job for me — Vi (regularly aiming to be just whelmed)
@malcircuit one nation, under whelm.
Oct 13, 2026, 4:52 AM@malcircuit Do not fall for whelmologists! Many people think it is a science, but the scientific study of whlem I called whelmonomy, whelmology is an esoteric pseudoscience.
@malcircuit sounds like the Saurez presentation of the Sefer Yetzira where he tried to make it read like a GUT: he had been hanging out with Fred Alan Wolf and Jack Sarfatti.
I wonder if it’s still an active tradition at CERN
@malcircuit And this is why neurotypicals push Autistic people deeper and deeper into burnout. They literally cannot see us.
What about microwhelmed, nanowhelmed, picowhelmed, and femtowhelmed?
...not to mention semiwhelmed, demiwhelmed, and quasiwhelmed.
And then there's the universal one: omniwhelmed.
@woozle Anything less than microwhelming is imperceptible to most people, and can only be measured with precise scientific equipment.
Hemi/Semiwhelmed is exactly halfway whelmed, which would the scale too messy to be displayed with only text.
Omniwhelmed encompasses all whelm levels.
@malcircuit True, but then if you're feeling overwhelmed and yet still need just a little more, there's no detectable harm in adding a few more nanowhelm; it can be strictly confidential between you and your whelmologist.
@woozle @malcircuit so is Omniwhelm a quantum Superposition of Whelmstates?
I'm not sure; I believe it involves eigenwhelm mathematics, which is definitely beyond me.
@malcircuit So what does it mean to whelm someone? Can you be whelmed only once to varying degrees? Can you be repeatedly whelmed or anti-whelmed to increase or decrease your whelm level?
@BmeBenji I mean, you can go from being overwhelmed to underwhelmed at different times. It's constantly fluctuating.
@BmeBenji Think of it like a temperature scale
@malcircuit @BmeBenji
Is there a definition of the whelm?
Can it be expressed in SI units?
And can you give indications of all these whelm levels?
For example whelmed means the whelm level is between 0.1 and 10 Wh.
Ultrawhelmed might be >10⁴ Wh.
I've taken the liberty here to assume the unit of whelm is written as Wh.
@MennoWolff @malcircuit @BmeBenji Wh is the Watt-hour. A whelm is abbreviated wm.
@MennoWolff @malcircuit @BmeBenji
The Whelm (wm) measures the amount of psychophysiological excitation energy absorbed per kilogram of whelm-sensitive tissue. This is preferable to using joules alone because it makes whelm levels comparable between a mouse, a human and an elephant.
Let E_w represent the psychophysiological excitation energy absorbed by a subject, and m_w the mass of their whelm-sensitive tissue.
Then the whelm level is W=E_w/m_w`.
1 wm is therefore 1 (kg m^2 s^-2) / kg = 1 m^2*s^-2.
It also shares its dimensions with the gray (Gy), used for absorbed ionizing radiation dose, but measures an entirely different phenomenon.
Eigenwhelmed and equiwhelmed share the same numerical value, but differ conceptually. An eigenwhelmed person maintains their intrinsic whelm state regardless of external stimulation. An equiwhelmed person achieves equilibrium between environmental whelm and their own whelm capacity.
@isotopp @malcircuit @BmeBenji
Ah, thank you for your excellent explanation of this phenomenon. 100%!
The difference between equiwhelmed and Eigenwhelmed was particularly interesting.
One small comment though, I believe the term Eigenwhelmed should be capitalized, because it refers to a person named Eigen. Although I may be completely wrong here.
Oct 12, 2026, 1:37 AM@malcircuit whel whel whel.
Oct 12, 2026, 2:02 AM@malcircuit simply just “whelmed”
@malcircuit very metawhelming toot.
Isowhelmed
@malcircuit stay whelmed!
@malcircuit I have been downgraded from AAA-Whelmed to AA-Whelmed :-(
@malcircuit currently merely whelmed
@malcircuit There’s also the platonic whelmings:
Tetrawhelmed
Cubiwhelmed
Octowhelmed
Dodecawhelmed
Icosawhelmed
For when you’re so whelmed on all sides you need to make new sides.
@malcircuit I love this type of linguistic silliness. Feeling some kind of whelm for sure!
@malcircuit I just feel semiwhelmed at the moment.
@malcircuit is this Premium English?
@malcircuit nightmare on whelm street
@malcircuit What is the difference between equiwhelmed and whelmed?
@malcircuit
What a wonderful thread.
thanks, you folks have made my morning. This is an example of why I'm on mastodon.
This has helped me to re-center my whelm.
@malcircuit this is whelmsical
@malcircuit the smallest unit of whelmed is the plank whelm.
@malcircuit suprawhelmed, when you’re so whelmed that you’re over it
Oct 12, 2026, 1:07 PM@malcircuit @abdalian Ambiwhelmed. Counterwhelmed. Periwhelmed.
@wlonk @malcircuit also the temporal whelms of pre- and postwhelm.
@malcircuit this thread is so whelmcore :bunnyRunHeart: yall
@malcircuit before my first coffee I tend to be tardiwhelmed
