BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.party
Oct 23, 2026, 5:54 AMWolverpeen. I think that's quite self-explanatory.
Replies
- BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 5:56 AM
Quite a lot if not all of the XMen (SexMen) lend themselves to porn parody names. I defy you to think of one that doesn't.
NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 5:56 AM@TheBreadmonkey dude with a short hairy willy which has retractable metal claws. Nasty.
- BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 5:58 AM
Isn't that just all cats?
Just TiredJust_Tired@mastodon.worldOct 23, 2026, 6:27 AM@TheBreadmonkey
Manda Waximoff?
Oct 23, 2026, 5:59 AM@TheBreadmonkey What makes these so much better is that it’s like 7 AM by you right now isn’t it? Just picturing you having morning tea, barely awake, and then suddenly, “My God…what if he had an adamantine willy…”
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 6:03 AM
@TheBreadmonkey Brogue. Able to assume the shoes of anyone through physical touch.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 6:07 AM
@TheBreadmonkey Professor Eggs. Powerful telepath but limited to knowing how anyone likes their eggs at breakfast.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 6:10 AM
@TheBreadmonkey Beets: a genius scientist who is also gradually turning into a purple root vegetable.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 6:12 AM
@TheBreadmonkey Wightcrawler: Can teleport to anywhere, so long as it’s on the Isle of Wight.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 6:31 AM
@TheBreadmonkey Jambit: charges jam sandwiches with kinetic energy and uses them as explosive projectiles.
- BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 6:34 AM
The dastardly Spagneto, who can harness the power of spaghetti
Ben Curthoysbencurthoys@mastodon.socialOct 23, 2026, 5:02 PM@TheBreadmonkey @Nickiquote Ron Man.
He's a man named Ron.
- Ben Curthoysbencurthoys@mastodon.socialOct 23, 2026, 5:02 PM
@TheBreadmonkey @Nickiquote Biclops. A man with two eyes.
👻ptoothfish(spooky variant)🎃ptoothfish@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 5:38 PM@bencurthoys @TheBreadmonkey @Nickiquote Whizz-kid - can psionically activate nearby blenders and food-processors
- 👻ptoothfish(spooky variant)🎃ptoothfish@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 5:40 PM
@bencurthoys @TheBreadmonkey @Nickiquote NecroNancy - a reanimated dead girl named Nancy. Can reanimate other dead girls if their name was Nancy
Daniel Lakelanddlakelan@mastodon.sdf.orgOct 23, 2026, 5:47 PMSturm, a German who has extraordinary powers of emotional expression in long form writing, also is a twin to another X-man named Drang. They are constantly bickering.
spangherospanghero@ioc.exchangeOct 23, 2026, 6:44 AM@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey You appear to have given this a lot of thought. Not this one character specifically, but in general, so
I salute your dedication and hope Disney/Netflix/whoever owns the right to this particular franchise take you up on some of them and pay you a gajillion dollars so you can give Ben his million dollars.- BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 6:49 AM
Seconded
David Cohendavidbcohen@twit.socialOct 23, 2026, 9:12 AM@TheBreadmonkey @spanghero @Nickiquote I always imagined a story about superpowered people whose superpowers had major flaws. Like a person who could teleport, but the process takes eight hours of uninterrupted silence at either end to work otherwise no transport. Or having super strength but inversely weak stamina.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 9:27 AM
@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Or a magic alien ring which can do almost anything, except it doesn’t work when something is the colour yellow.
- David Cohendavidbcohen@twit.socialOct 23, 2026, 9:44 AM
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Ooh, burn! Someone is pissed at the Guardians of Oa
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 9:46 AM
@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero A dangerous security vulnerability which should have resulted in an immediate bug fix when it was discovered.
- David Cohendavidbcohen@twit.socialOct 23, 2026, 11:36 AM
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Oh, that was a whole epic thing. Yellow fear entity hidden in Oa’s central power battery gave rise to that flaw, allegedly. Said entity possessed Hal Jordan and chaos ensued. Typical comic retcon madness.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 11:39 AM
@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Was that the Hal Jordan goes mental after Coast City is destroyed and kills all the Lanterns arc?
- David Cohendavidbcohen@twit.socialOct 23, 2026, 11:42 AM
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Yes. After that arc they made it that the yellow Parallax entity was responsible for his behaviour. Then he sacrificed himself. Then he was resurrected because comics.
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 11:46 AM
@davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero I’m still annoyed that they resurrected Jason Todd, and also Gwen Stacy, apparently.
- David Cohendavidbcohen@twit.socialOct 23, 2026, 12:05 PM
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero Nobody stays dead in the comics. Except for that girl who got stuffed in to the fridge. They never bring her back properly.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexandra_DeWitt
(Oh, and don’t tell me the artist who drew that picture is an ally…)
Madcollectormadcollector@retro.pizzaOct 23, 2026, 4:44 PM@davidbcohen
In Worst X-Man Ever, Bailey Hoskins can blow up. But only once.https://marvel.fandom.com/wiki/X-Men:_Worst_X-Man_Ever_Vol_1_1
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 4:46 PM
@madcollector @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @spanghero There’s a bunch of lads in the Middle East who have that superpower too.
Oct 23, 2026, 8:45 AMBeets by Dray: he only travels on a horse-and-cart
- BenTheBreadmonkey@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 6:15 AM
I would defeat him by simply choosing tofu
paulamiserabilist@beige.partyOct 23, 2026, 7:36 AMfertilized
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 7:41 AM
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey
“Scott: hard boiled! Jean: Scrambled! Hank: Poached! Logan: With a kiss! 😘 “
Oct 23, 2026, 8:25 AM@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey that'd be an amazing power for my local cafe where they do not offer my favourite eggs.
Patrick Hadfieldpatrickhadfield@mastodon.scotOct 23, 2026, 5:05 PM@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey surely thats EggsMen, an entirely different franchise!!!
DamonHDDamonHD@mastodon.socialOct 23, 2026, 5:45 PM@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey often unfertilised...
- NickNickiquote@mstdn.socialOct 23, 2026, 4:44 PM
@TheBreadmonkey Maybe Brogue should be able to assume someone’s accent from touching them as well. Double Threat. One of the most powerful of the Eggs Men.