zeldmanzeldman
Mar 29, 2026, 5:05 PMRushing to the hospital Emergency Room has emerged as perhaps the paramount objective of slamming one’s own dick in a doorway.
Replies
🎄🎅🏻🎄Jolly Kringle 🎄🎅🏻🎄jonathankoren@sfba.socialMar 29, 2026, 5:29 PMPersonally, I like how the Pakistani defense minister phrased it. Doubly funny if the reports of Pakistan being a key intermediary are true.
Chaucerburntchaucerburnt@aus.socialMar 30, 2026, 2:30 AM@jonathankoren @zeldman *defence minister, I think?
- 🎄🎅🏻🎄Jolly Kringle 🎄🎅🏻🎄jonathankoren@sfba.socialMar 30, 2026, 2:40 AM
@chaucerburnt @zeldman yeah, you’re right
mahadevankmahadevank@mastodon.socialMar 30, 2026, 5:40 AM@jonathankoren @zeldman well the talks are going to fail - Iran will want to be compensated for damages and the US has no money to give. At best they will charge a fee and control the strait
Mar 30, 2026, 10:48 AM@mahadevank @jonathankoren @zeldman Yes, and I hope that's how it goes, because while that's not great, all the alternatives are much worse. Or much, much worse.
- 🎄🎅🏻🎄Jolly Kringle 🎄🎅🏻🎄jonathankoren@sfba.socialMar 30, 2026, 2:43 PM
@mahadevank @zeldman the us simply gives the Iranians their own money back and calls it something else. Sort of like when We Obama gave the Iranians back $400 million from a pre1979 arms deal that was never completed
Only this time, Republicans will say it’s a bold move showing fantastic deal making abilities
Mar 29, 2026, 5:35 PM@zeldman
Edgy “Ratherism”-adjacent commentary FRW.
Mar 29, 2026, 7:35 PM
Pino Carafarozeboosje@masto.aiMar 29, 2026, 8:17 PM@zeldman I didn't realise that a newspaper that claims to take itself seriously actually put that up as a headline. I thought people were just joking when they said the objective of the war was to open the strait... that was open before the war started. The Onion is redundant. Reality now satirises itself.
Bitslingers-R-UsAnachronistJohn@zia.ioMar 29, 2026, 8:37 PM@zeldman It won’t be long before they’re telling people Trump went to war to open the Strait of Hormuz and protect all of us from Iran.
Matt Maymattmay@mstdn.socialMar 29, 2026, 8:46 PM@zeldman We will slam our dick in the doorway our way to a lasting peace
Ned Hamsonnedhamson1@mastodon.socialMar 29, 2026, 8:59 PM@zeldman it was open before the US went to war against Iran
Skjeggtrollskjeggtroll@mastodon.onlineMar 29, 2026, 11:54 PM"Not bleeding on my shirt has emerged as perhaps the paramount objective of the fight I started."
Dogiedog64dogiedog64@app.wafrn.netMar 30, 2026, 1:54 AM
Reid :blobcat_happy:reiddragon@fedi.catto.gardenMar 30, 2026, 7:47 AM@zeldman so the war's objective is to undo shit caused by starting the war...
This shit isn't real. We're living in a simulation and the beings running it are taking the piss like when playing GTA with cheats
Tuukka RTuuktuuk@piipitin.fiMar 30, 2026, 6:26 PMExcept that in this case not only has Sam slammed their own dick in a doorway, they are also running _away_ from the ER.
While declaring that getting to the ER is paramount.
