@ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @amiserabilist @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
Er..... I thought it would be funny and cute to post a picture under this of a racoon in human clothes (full disclosure - definitely search it up - it is adorable), but was slightly surprised by the top search hit.....
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
*record scratch*
*freeze frame*
Yep, that's me.
You're probably wondering how I ended up here?
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
<confirmed, for science>
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
i got curious.
The human rectum can stretch up to 9 inches without tearing. A raccoon can fit through holes that are 6 inches or wider. So technically a raccoon could fit up your arse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/Showerthoughts/comments/bnsudr/the_human_rectum_can_stretch_up_to_9_inches/
"Chorley's Eggs Up The Arse Man" has a new challenge.
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs Paul, I always can count on you to do the work. Bravo!
How wide is a crème egg nowadays?
9 inches is 22.86cm
a regular 40g Cadbury Creme Egg is 3.5 cm wide
a small plastic fill-able egg is about 5 cm to 5.5 cm wide
a normal medium-sized chocolate Easter egg is about 8 cm wide
none of these should pose a challenge to a seasoned anal toy veteran.
https://custombuttplugs.com/butt-plug-size-chart/?v=7885444af42e
I like big butt plugs and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face, you get sprung
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
@amiserabilist @davidbcohen @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
I apologise for recommending Paul 😂
if i have prevented one person from an 8 hr wait in a and e by learning to use a flared base, my work here is done.
https://beige.party/@amiserabilist/117454095521133694
i was manning the condom stand at a pride concert.
i was given a wide berth.
i went for a pint, when i came back they were gone.
people are still shy.
or someone just nicked them all.
anyway my job was done.
@davidbcohen @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
Oct 17, 2026, 3:55 PMmy friends think i am overreacting when i tell them to use condoms till they get their new partners tested.
they think if someone is nice they are safe.
it is the nice ones you need to look out for.
and with age comes increased risk.
https://tht.org.uk/news/heterosexual-hiv-diagnoses-overtake-those-gay-and-bisexual-men-scotland
public health are doing a crap job of getting the message out there.
thank you for coming to my ted talk.
@TheBreadmonkey @davidbcohen @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
“possibly preventable”
“choose smaller if unsure “
I am dying…😂😂
A closed adult fist is about 10 cm (4 inches) wide across the front knuckles.
instead of faffing about with forceps, they could roll up their sleeves and pull it out!
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
who are you?
i am the guy with the smallest arm on call.
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
surprisingly no one has attempted this.
i guess no one wanted to be the first one to suggest fisting the patient, adding they may even like it.
instead they do shit like this:
Novel Approach to Rectal Foreign Body Extraction
In the operating room, with the patient under general anesthesia, multiple attempts to remove the object were unsuccessful. A SILS port was inserted transanally. The rectum was then insufflated manually by attaching the diaphragm of the rigid sigmoidoscope to the SILS insufflation port. A 5-mm 0-degree laparoscope was placed through the SILS port. An atraumatic laparoscopic grasper was then placed through the port and used to grasp the visible end of the cigar case. The rectal foreign body was removed expeditiously. Direct visualization of the rectum revealed no evidence of mucosal injury. The patient was discharged home shortly after the procedure.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3771807/
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
Oct 17, 2026, 5:19 PM@amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
My dad is a doctor and he has a lot of stories about this sort of thing. The trick is to set some forceps or something in plaster of Paris inside the bottle or whatever someone has “accidentally” sat on and extract it once it’s set. Good to know, dad!
Oct 17, 2026, 5:52 PM@swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
we're doing dr stories?
(well emt story)
guy put his member on a rotating piece of woodworking equipment
it felt good
but it nicked his scrotum and yanked a testicle out
this is not when he called the emt
he retrieved his testicle in a dusty corner and stapled it back into his scrotum
the later infection led to the emt call
@benroyce @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
hello just checking in on this thread to ask what the fuck
@benroyce @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
"why are there so many captioned butt stuff"
"why are all these people tagged why does it keep going"
"it's like they put all the loud people at a house party into one room"
-emily (erl who has demanded I do NOT TAG her)
@rooster
I know I'm pretty clear about my rather strict "Exit Only" policy but Imma be straight up honest... I'm pretty offended so many of my Beige peeps and moots did not include me in this fascinating thread regarding butt stuff, which I should add, only reinforces said "Exit Only" policy even further.
@benroyce @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
@benroyce @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
EMT stories are absolutely the most eye popping shit imaginable. You learned these things when you work with somebody who had been an EMT
Oct 17, 2026, 6:51 PM@GhostOnTheHalfShell @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs i got more but... i'll wear out my welcome
@benroyce @GhostOnTheHalfShell @swisslet @amiserabilist @davidbcohen @TheBreadmonkey @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs Thanks Mr. Royce. After your story, we have now all voluntarily confined ourselves to padded cells and are swaying rhythmically while 1000-yard staring at the walls.
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto
*drops out of phone reception for barely a day*
*thinks* "Ooh, I wonder what Mastodon 's up to"
*400 notifications about the logistics, practicality and feasibility of racoon insertion into the human anus*
Yup, pretty standard then. Carry on
Oct 17, 2026, 2:37 PM@benroyce @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
A hole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a hole new world with you
Now I'm in a hole new world with you
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @amiserabilist @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
Wasn't there an old Richard Gere urban legend about that?
yes, i googled it. even by my standards i was appalled by what was alleged to have been done to the gerbil.
i doubt anyone has done it.
maybe the Epstein crowd.
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
I'm confused. You're Gen-X and had to Google it? That was seared into the psyche of everyone I knew. Asking was purely a rhetorical exercise. Heck, South Park even did a whole bit about it. I'm so confused. 😆
i knew it, but googled to see if there were any confirmed cases of it ever being done.
there were none.
but one site went into details of what was allegedly done to the gerbil prior to insertion to render it harmless.
@TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
@amiserabilist @TheBreadmonkey @ApostateEnglishman @Verati404 @benroyce @ai6yr @maxleibman @batkaren @Nickiquote @rooster @alice @mayintoronto @afewbugs
It's like the thing about Marilyn Manson getting a rib removed. Everyone just *knew* that, even though nobody ever remembered being told not remembered telling anyone else. It was just in our genes, our collective consciousness, the GenX hive mind.
