Aug 8, 2026, 12:05 AMFriendly reminder: when someone expresses that life is difficult because of their disability (or disabilities), don’t try to fix it for them.
Believe them.
Take a breath. Hear them.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
(Edit: Yes, this post is a direct reply to some of the comments and messages about my journaling post from this morning.)
@britt
Thank you! It is so exhausting being expected to explain to nearly everyone that my disabilities do in fact disable me.
In addition, most of the difficulties I experience in my day to day are the result of having to deal with other people, often because they "help" me without my consent. If they just believed me, as you say, when I tell them I don't want / need their help, that alone would be huge. If I do accept their help, they need to help in the way that I ask, otherwise they are not a help but a hindrance.
Please just believe us. That would solve so many of our problems.
Aug 8, 2026, 1:11 AM@meadow so well said. I have nothing to add because you said it so eloquently.
Thanks for replying. I’m very sorry that you have lived experiences with similar struggles.
"that my disabilities do in fact disable me" 👍
Having to self-justify is absolutely exhausting.
The most diabolical throw-away statement: everyone is a bit autistic (with the implied, get on with it).
Getting a few numbers on the bingo card, does not a bingo make.
I'm tired of the implied "fix" for neurodiversity is to get on with it and stop being weird. Everyone has troubles.
I'm late diagnosed.
Finally realising the source of all my "weirdness" and frustrations is probably one of the best things to happen to me. I feel like all my squeaky wheels are finally getting some grease as I stop working against my nature and instead work with it.
People are uncomfortable with things they do not understand (myself included). Offering fixes is way of alleviating that discomfort.
My favourite view on disability is the analogy of expecting penguins to fly because they have "wings".
Sure, you could regard penguins as disabled given that expectation, but if you put those disabled wings in water? Magic!
Why would you want to change that?
I'm constantly frustrated by this loud, overwhelming world pushed upon us. However, when I find moments of quiet, I realise that all that overwhelm isn't my world.
And the world is magic.
Differences are not something to be fixed.
We do not need permission to exist.
@dazzledHF @meadow @britt
Penguin comparison is so spot on. 😘
Wonderful, magic post. Yay for all the penguins out there.
Sidebar: I have been wearing a new T shirt that says “WARNING May contain autism.”And it’s started quite a few conversations. All listening and asking questions. I cannot fecking believe it. No one push back so far. I think, though, that this “badge” makes it very difficult for people to be nasty.
Sending you love and light.
@britt Hey, Britt. Glad you're here, and honoured to share the timeline with you. Solidarity forever, beloved neighbour. 💜
Aug 8, 2026, 1:11 AM@dubious_dragon hey friend. Always appreciate hearing from you. 🤘🏼 right back at ya. 🫶
@britt Also, dont tell someone with a disability (visible or invisible) that they’re “doing so great” or “it doesn’t seem like a problem”
@aminorjourney @britt or that it looks like they've lost some weight [implied positive of course].
I *hate* that this is considered a good default thing to tell someone you haven't seen in a while.
One coworker told me, "It's so easy for you!"
@equiraptor god, it's so hard to hate them because I know they don't get it.
god forbid I had an actual ED that mentioning it triggered, instead I'm just frustrated that they think losing weight because of health problems is somehow healthy.
@aminorjourney @britt Dammit. I do the 'doing great' thing all the time, thinking its encouragment. Thanks for the tip. So much to learn.
Aug 8, 2026, 2:53 AM@aminorjourney for sure. I was just thinking about how much I hate it when I get the reply, “but have you tried _____?”
At that point I usually check out of the conversation and avoid talking to said individual.
@britt oh yeah I get that.
Everyone's a Freaking Cardiologist when I mention my LQTS.
"My auntie had a heart flutter"
"Have you tried changing your diet?"
No and NO. It's a freaking inherited condition. Even specialists don't fully understand it...
Aug 8, 2026, 3:09 AM@aminorjourney I’m so sorry you experience that. Seriously, that’s so uncool of people. :(
@britt Thanks, but I suspect, like most people with visible and invisible disabilities, I'd settle with more knowledge, and more accessibility.
There's, for me at least, a huge difference to someone with ADHD giving me tips on how to manage it and 'neurotypical advice'. If the 'have you tried...' it at least is something that might work for me.
The neurotypical 'have you tried...' almost always relies solely on executive functioning and that shit bugs the crap out of me as that is the fucking problem in the first place.
@britt I have a kind of disability, I have childhood aphasia, but thanks to technology, I can mostly work around it.
@britt YES. Disability and chronic illness is right up there with carrying a small baby for attracting unsolicited advice, but it's extra annoying because the "advice" is so repetitive and pointless.
At least disabled people are hilarious about it?
@britt Yeah, I'm a fixer, my brain goes into problem solving mode and eagerly tries to find a 'solution'. I always need to employ conscious effort to keep my mouth shut in those situations.
Don't just believe them - empathise - be them (or in their circumstances) for a while and try to feel the frustrations and limitations...
Hearing you loud and clear. Rock on!
Aug 8, 2026, 1:45 PM@britt@mstdn.games We believe, and yeah it sucks. We are sorry that such things have to be dealt with, but we also think disabled beings are very strong. Because, they are able to live and cope, in spite of disabilites.
And we think that's very nice!
Have a nice day :3
___
Please read our pronouns before interacting
@britt
Someone posted this once, in a very similar situation, and I thought of it immediately
