right - hopped up on gender hormones* and ready to face the day!!
* the most amusing thing is: My biggest reaction after starting HRT - "OMG is this what cis people feel like all the time?....Some kind of normal without a constant sense that something is not right??"
As I slowly process my gender feelings now I'm on HRT I am realising just how insidious it has all been:
in my 30s I "decided" to suppress ALL the crap I was dealing with. Not least because prior to that I'd been pretty unstable. A. points out it would have been likely I'd have gotten a BPD diagnosis in my late 20s!!
This lead to years of depersonalisation
prior to that it had been all over the place & far more noticeable but I just had no concept of what to do about it
if, at that time, being trans was a broader church than "you need to live as a woman (whatever that means - is that something I'm doing now even??) and marry a man" perhaps I'd have gotten somewhere but bloody hell
Dysphoria is a complicated thing!
(AND if you'd have asked me just prior to starting HRT I'd have told you "oh no it doesn't really effect me" - blimey was I ever wrong (and I have been VERY wrong about a LOT of things ;-) ) )