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  • Jess👾JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:09 PM

    I VEHEMENTLY reject the idea that it would ever be legitimate to exclude trans women from a woman's group or women's bathroom or whatever because of someone's trauma around men.

    That sort of rhetoric has been weaponized against minorities for years to justify their exclusion. "I'm afraid of lesbians". "I'm afraid of Black people". "I'm afraid of Muslims." "I'm afraid of Jewish people." "I'm afraid of lower class people". Etc.

    I'm beyond done with being accommodating of white women tears to drive trans women away because of "fears of men". Trauma is real, and we should be aware of it, and accommodate it where possible , but wielding your trauma to exclude vulnerable minorities from public spaces is some hot garbage.

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Replies

  • Jess👾JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:16 PM

    Besides, plenty of TRANS WOMEN have ALSO been raped and traumatized by men. And by women.

    And cis women raped and traumatized by women.

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  • Jess👾JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:59 PM

    I mean, gods, how many billion women were traumatized by their mother? But it's not like we pass laws saying "no woman who looks like your mother is allowed in the locker room". It'd be absurd. "The person who assaulted me had brown hair, we're going to ban all brunettes."

    If you can't get over the fact that some women's genitals are a penis, that's a you problem you need to work through with a therapist, not the women who happen to have a penis (who also are almost certainly going to do everything in their power not to openly flash their penis at other people anyways).

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  • Ed Hurtleyehurtley@infosec.exchange
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:13 PM

    @JessTheUnstill One "unintended consequence" I find hilarious is that these "ban trans women from 'women's' restrooms!" statements mean they want trans MEN in 'women's' restrooms.

    (Of course, I know what they really want is for trans people to simply not exist; but saying "use the bathroom conforming to the gender assigned at birth" means some pretty masculine dudes will end up using 'women's' rooms.)

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  • sabiksabik@rants.au
    Oct 15, 2026, 3:11 AM

    @ehurtley @JessTheUnstill
    In practice, a trans man using a women's bathroom (as required by law) gets beaten up and arrested while nothing happens to his assailants

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  • Irene Zhangirene
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:35 PM

    @JessTheUnstill I’m more afraid of white women than trans women. Especially well meaning white ladies.

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  • Jess👾JessTheUnstill@infosec.exchange
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:37 PM

    @irene Because one privileged white woman crying can bring massive white supremacy and/or patriarchal violence against whomever they've decided to target...

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  • Irene Zhangirene
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:59 PM

    @JessTheUnstill and they are willing to throw the rest of us under the bus for that privilege.

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  • aura sangstonautti@mastodontti.fi
    Oct 15, 2026, 9:47 AM

    @JessTheUnstill im frequently unintentionally wary and tense around a certain (very subjectively defined) type / aesthetic of trans man, because one did ipv & some measure of sexual coercion to me for years. so it's always fun to listen to these guys vent to me about their amab trauma and how i helped counteract it by not being horrible. like, yeah! love that for u!! 🥰 the feeling is not mutual ☺️🌸🌸

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  • Russell (Robin) Phillipsrpbook@gts.phillipsuk.org
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:19 PM

    @JessTheUnstill Yes! So much yes.

    I long ago realised that if replacing "trans" with an another minority makes it sound bad, then it is bad.

    No reasonable person would consider it reasonable to exclude black women from a women's group. So why would it be OK to exclude trans women?

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  • humanadverbhumanadverb@dice.camp
    Oct 14, 2026, 7:40 PM

    @JessTheUnstill Thanks for prefacing that be saying it isn't aimed at me. And then deleting/reposting, cuz getting flooded sucks.

    You are right, and I realize actually the kinds of people I'm describing are either TERFs or so close to it that it doesn't matter, so, what you said basically.

    But ... Yeah. It is really nice to be invited.

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  • Emma williams 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️Emanemz@lgbtqia.space
    Oct 14, 2026, 8:14 PM

    @JessTheUnstill I completely agree with you as a cis woman that has been sexually abused and raped by men going back to my earliest memories I 100% hold those cis men accountable. I’m finally in a wonderful relationship my girlfriend is truly wonderful and is helping to heal me without even trying. She also happens to be a trans woman.

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  • Lorlorask@vivaldi.net
    Oct 14, 2026, 9:18 PM

    @JessTheUnstill

    our whole entire discourse coming from the top down is division and to hate each other.

    It is going to take a lot more time to heal from this shit than it took to create it.

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  • AT Hayesathayes@mas.to
    Oct 15, 2026, 12:06 AM

    @JessTheUnstill Bathrooms never made a lick of sense; no one is throwing their gonads out on the sink counter. Everyone has a private stall option. I have never seen anyone’s junk, from childhood to adulthood, despite “barely passing” urinal walls.

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  • rakoorakoo@blah.rako.space
    Oct 15, 2026, 1:37 AM
    @JessTheUnstill we can also accomodate someone's "fear of X people" by not inviting that someone to the group, any group, it's for their own good promise 🥰
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  • Nomdebnomdeb@mstdn.social
    Oct 15, 2026, 2:18 AM

    @JessTheUnstill oh gosh. Hadn’t realized that was a thing. To me it’s obvious we are sisters together. . I am an introvert so don’t do women’s groups. But if I ever have occasion to do so or hear about one I will be sure to make this point.

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  • Miakoda :neurodiversity:hellomiakoda@pdx.social
    Oct 15, 2026, 7:52 AM

    @JessTheUnstill I just want to put this out there... I have trauma around men. Men make me very on edge unless I am REALLY close. Transwomen, passing or not, don't trigger this. Not by choice, I don't get to choose that, brain just recognizes they aren't men.

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  • ZigZag’s a catSpiritLady@mas.to
    Oct 15, 2026, 10:24 AM

    @JessTheUnstill l suspect that many of the ones wielding their trauma to exclude trans women are actually not ones who have been traumatized but instead are raising the fear that they could be traumatized (by the trans woman) so they don’t have to accept and feel the discomfort and conflicts they feel about their own gender and sexuality and all the BS rules our society and religion imposes.

    If they had actually been traumatized by men, they would be far more afraid of the testosterone fueled stalker dudes out on the gym floor than the trans woman in the locker room.

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  • Maki 🔻 💚PRO❤️RandamuMaki@mstdn.social
    Oct 15, 2026, 10:24 AM

    @JessTheUnstill Every time I come across those kinds of exclusionary rules I feel like excluding straight white cisgender christians from being in the same room with me because they might try to infect others with their lifestyle choice by osmosis or something and I simply can't chance it.

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  • NadiaPurgeNadiaPurge@musician.social
    Oct 15, 2026, 12:00 PM

    @JessTheUnstill it is part of a fashy, right wing pattern.. to use fear & trauma of rape to manipulate social approval of their scapegoats.

    i.e. it was a blond, blue eyed white guy who assaulted me, but White Nationalists claim they're protecting me from rape by targeting brown people and immigrants for removal. He was cishet, but TERFs et all want me to fear trans women in bathrooms.

    Rapists are overwhelmingly family, dating partners, and close contact CIS men. Where's that fear campaign?

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  • Attack of the ChlonesCordiallyChloe@tech.lgbt
    Oct 15, 2026, 12:19 PM

    @JessTheUnstill Even at its most base level tho, this is really significant levels of bigotry.

    Trans women are *women;* not men.

    Being afraid of men does not give you an excuse to exclude women from anything.

    If you see trans women as men, or view them as a similar threat as men, then you are projecting a completely separate bias on to a group of already-marginalized people.

    At some point, people need to choose to hold men accountable and stop taking their frustrations out on other women or other minorities. Because at no point in these conversations are the men they claim to be so afraid of actually held responsible.

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