Alright, I figured out some of the reasons why my display repaints are faster than others'. (Not everyone's -- there are some very fast demos on YouTube, source unavailable.)
A meme appears to have spread that the ILI9488 doesn't support 16-bit color mode in 4-wire SPI mode, only 24-bit. So these applications are sending 50% more bits than I am.
The meme seems to stem from an error in a diagram in the datasheet, but the datasheet _text_ says it's supported, and it's what I've always used.
I wonder if I should send some PRs to people.