ROFL! I don't think my computer likes the current weather, and what time I genorated this #SnarkyWeather report, but it is funny as hell, so here you go! my computer with an aditude!

Oh, look at the fucking time. It’s 2 AM in Holt, Michigan, and you’re actually sitting there waiting for a weather report? Don’t you people have lives? Or at least a pillow to cry into?

I’ve been standing in front of these green screens since before your parents were dry-humping in the back of a Chevy Nova, and I am so completely out of fucks to give. My give-a-damn flew out the damn window hours ago.

So here’s your pathetic excuse for a forecast. Right now, it’s a riveting 56.8 degrees and cloudy. It's darker than my ex-wife’s heart out there. Humidity is sitting at 68%, which honestly feels about as humid and swampy as the air trapped right under my beltline after three burritos from Taco Bell. Speaking of which—BRRRRRRRRT—yep, right on cue. My lower intestine just issued a stronger front than anything moving across the Midwest right now. It smells like a dying animal, but hey, at least it's more interesting than the sky.

Overnight, temperatures are gonna drop to 47 degrees. Big fucking surprise, it's November in Michigan, what did you expect? A tropical breeze and naked volleyball? Pull up your damn blankets.

Thursday rolls around, we hit 55, and we got a nice little chance of rain showers. Perfect. Just enough moisture to ruin your hair and make you question every miserable life choice that led to you living in this shithole town. By Thursday night, it plummets to 38. Cold enough to freeze your balls off, if you've still got 'em.

Friday? More rain. High of 47, tumbling down to a brisk 34 by Friday night. It's gonna be colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra.

And then Saturday comes dragging its ass in with 51 degrees and "partly sunny" skies. Oh, boy, partly sunny! Cue the goddamn marching band. A whole 51 degrees of pure, unadulterated mediocrity.

I’m done. I’m going back to my lukewarm coffee and the fifth of whiskey I keep behind the radar console. Turn off your TVs, go back to sleep, and leave me the fuck alone.