Update!
@MeiLin gave me the search engine shibboleth I needed to find this web page with a lovely and clever transistor circuit that I can try out!
It's even simple enough for me to try to breadboard it!
https://www.dos4ever.com/ring/ring.html
Edit:
... Oh wait this emulated schockley diode circuit requires obscene voltages in order to exceed the avalanche breakdown Vec. I uh... can't use that. I'll need to find other solutions. :x