Every day the whistle blows; we go over the top and perish. Every day, the same day, though days pass. The paradox of ghostdom: relive, yet live on.
One day phantoms appeared, time travellers come to remember and witness.
They saw, were horrified, and stopped coming.
Tomorrow, we'll do it again.
The queen summoned the princess for a talk.
"I read this article by a book reviewer," the queen said.
"Yes?"
"It concerned, among other things, the nature of the relationships some characters in books have with dragons."
"Ah." The princess blushed.
"So tell me, does your dragon have friends?"
It was never properly explained - interference from Q was a common suggestion - but for a standard day, regardless of what drink you ordered from a replicator, on any Starfleet ship, it would serve the same thing:
Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.
The God of Bad Art gets offerings from all over the world, but in Their temple, They sometimes appear.
"Why bad art?" I ask.
"It is brave", the God replies.
"To try and fail?"
"No," the God chuckles. "Any creative work is a defiance of entropy, of Death itself. If you create, you do not fail."
** For reference:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_and_the_Dread_Gazebo
**
When a nobleman came in to the tavern and put a note on the board, the monster hunters went to check it out. Laughter erupted.
"A gazebo? Quick, someone get Eric!"
Then the bounty caught their attention.
"That's a lot of gold. Why?"
"This gazebo," the nobleman said, "was made by Baba Yaga."
"I was told," said the princess, "that the point of fairy tales is not to tell children dragons exist, but that they can be killed."
"Oh, absolutely!" said the dragon.
"You agree?"
"These rich, selfish, powerful, cruel beings that need killing, did you think they're literally dragons, princess?"
"I have been challenged to a duel," she said. "For kissing a woman."
"Did she consent?" the swordmaster said.
"Yes, but men courting her did not."
"Ah. How many?"
"Are these men good?" She gave three names.
"Far below your level."
"Excellent!" She rose. "There are more women I want to kiss."
"So what do you think of Humanity?"
The alien ambassador fronded. "You have fascinating quirks."
"Ah, like our stamina and resilience?"
"No, your stories. Many species tell stories, but you are the only ones inventing new gods."
"A long time ago."
"Your twentytwenties wasn't that long ago?"
A dragon came to the royal castle and requested an audience with the king.
"I hear," the dragon said, "that you have no princess."
"So?"
"So I propose you adopt me."
"You're a girl?"
"I could be."
"Sorry. But wouldn't that bring more dragons?"
The dragon fluttered her eyelashes. "I hope so."
"Can I help you?" the magic shop proprietor asked.
"What swords do you have?"
"Only one, today. This is 'Hyvla', the sharpest sword ever made."
"Any conditions on it?"
"Before sheathing, the blade must be quenched in porridge or it will dull."
"That's inconvenient."
"I also have this pot..."
The dragon watched the girl climb up to its mountain lair. She stopped to catch her breath, then shouted:
"Oi! I've got some questions."
"Ask."
"Princesses, why?"
"They're educated and smell nice."
"No noble blood?"
"All humans are humans."
"Yes! The revolution is go! Cheers!"
"Good luck."
The princess took an earring off and held it out.
The raven looked at it. "Whatever for?"
"You are wise and clever. Many princesses have dragons, but none has a raven friend."
The raven picked up the earring. "Say no more."
"Friends?" she asked when it returned the next day.
"Forevermore."
Her son carefully lifted his ochre-stained hand from the cave wall and studied the outline.
"That's me. My hand." He looked at the other hands. "Do you know all?"
"Some are older than me."
"That old?"
"Hush you," she laughed. "We don't make these to be seen tomorrow, but because today, we live."
Dr. Dastard pressed the button. Nothing happened.
"I cut the wires," Captain Clever said, "you won't rain death and destruction on the world today."
"What? My rockets were going to fetch ice asteroids to crash them into the moon."
"Why?"
"To make an ocean, to let the moon experience tides too."
A spaceship landed in the park. A door dilated. An alien emerged with a chair, which they sat down on, backwards.
"Look," they said, "we're not here, okay? You know why nobody contacts you? Because the write-up would be such a pain."
They sighed.
"Get your shit together, okay? We know you can."
I died. I expected that. What I did not expect was to be greeted by a friendly librarian holding a large book.
"Hello," they said. "I'm here to answer your questions."
"Uh... What is the One Piece?"
They checked the index of the book and opened it.
"Do you want to read, or should I summarise?"
The entity drifted dreamlessly through space, as it had for aeons. It woke when it neared a star. Scanned for planets, life, signs of technology.
Having found all, it analyzed and decoded radio emissions, then composed a message to send.
"My hovercraft is full of feels."
It resumed dormancy.
"Come out and fight!" the knight called.
"Very well," the dragon replied. "As the challenged party, I get to choose weapons. I choose pistols."
"What? I have a lance and horse!"
"I don't. Here is a matched set, pick one."
"Those are cannons!"
"Tomayto tomahto. Pick, or forfeit the challenge."
Another master came to see the swordmaster.
"Let me watch you teach."
He watched a lesson, then asked: "Where do they get their swords?"
"Some have their own, others borrow a school sword, like this."
"This is an exceptional sword!"
"If you have a bad sword, you learn to fight it, not use it."