There's a Spanish football game on the TV here and instead of walking on the pitch with children, the players walked on the pitch with *puppies*.
Football ⚽ was suddenly my favourite sport until the puppies went away and I stopped watching.
PLAY UP, POMPEY
All caps incoming on the below post because I am a huge fan of sportsball and it doesn't matter that we're 2500km away because we must always show our commitment to balls and their kickers.
I've found a local amateur dramatics group I may be able to get involved with.
There's nothing online about when they meet but we can assume they operate like everyone else and plan around a Mon-Fri 9-5 work schedule. This works for me!
They have an open day once a month where you can go and meet people. I think I'm away for the next one, but December? That might be the one.
Almost a decade later, this is still full of so much warmth and wisdom and solace – Liz Gilbert on love, loss, and how to move through grief as grief moves through you https://t.co/jGhFGmAFJL
The annual migration to their ancestral breeding grounds of the antlered giant prairie snail is a rare, but inspiring sight for any human to behold ...
having fucking massive pockets on a dress is awesome
Still feeling that metaphorical punch in the stomach from a few days ago. And yet the world keeps moving as if none of it really matters.
Time keeps marching on and there's no choice except to keep moving forward.
me: so i want some ideas on architecture design
bauhaus: oh yeah can do
me: oh right also i need new wallpapers for my room
bauhaus: gotcha
me: oh and before i forget, i'm also looking for some new post punk to listen to
bauhaus: you won't fucking believe this but
y'all ever feel like icarus pushing a big ball of wax up a hill towards the sun?
My juggling is becoming more and more consistent! I've been videoing myself practising every day. Some of the videos are funny because I'm determined to practise no matter what I'm doing.
So sometimes I'm in pyjamas. One time I'm in a little black dress with my hair done all fancy.
I didn't choose the jugg life. The jugg life chose me.
#JuggLife
I don't have access to my hand written diary out here but the thoughts need somewhere to go, and maybe someone else might see themselves reflected in them.
I'm not happy with the choices I've made in my life. I'm angry that I listened to well-meaning advice when I was young rather than following my heart and doing what I knew was for me. I've changed careers and relationships several times, I've moved my life repeatedly in search of new and better. At times I've decided there's no hope and made plans to just be free and end it all.
And I hate myself for that because on paper I have an ideal life others would strive for, so I don't feel like I have any right to feel this way. So I never told anyone at the time.
Over the last couple of days I felt the stirrings of "what's the point, there's no hope, I want to die" BUT. Then I remembered that useful phrase I came across years ago.
I don't want to die; I just want my life to end.
Two very different things. This is not one of those times when I'm desperate to be free of pain. This is when I want to be a new person with a new life. That's the important point. I *want* a new life, I want life, I want to be here and doing the things, I just want those things to be different to what I have now.
So I'm lying here by the pool wondering what exactly it is that I want to change and then most importantly, trying to determine the tiniest of steps I can do to get towards these goals.
Mainly, I want to perform. I want to be on stage. Either in plays or playing music or doing magic. I want to entertain people. I want to prepare and rehearse and perform a thing. All the things. And I want to meet the creative people involved so that I can learn from them but also get swept along in their journey for a time.
I'm not sure yet what I can do about this. Not realistically. I can think of lots of useful tips but I know I wouldn't act upon them for reasons.
It's weird. I feel like I'm this giant bundle of tinder just waiting to be set alight and then there'll be no stopping me.
You don't have to turn every experience into a lesson. Sometimes a thing happens, you make a noise like a startled kettle, and life continues. #gooderliving
Do other countries have treacle? Do they just not call it treacle? It's a term of endearment as well. Particularly in the north.
"Hello, treacle"
But I don't recall ever hearing about it outside of my northern roots and baking a sticky toffee pudding.
When you thought you were emotionally done with something and then you get an unexpected punch to the stomach (metaphorically).
That'll sure make for a tricky day that feels like wading through treacle.
A personal curriculum, in case you're not familiar, is a trendy term for "a customized learning plan built around your goals and/or interests." It's usually for an informal goal - that is, not for work or formal education, more out of personal interest. It adds a structure to learning about something you're probably already learning about more piecemeal, just out of interest. It can also include skill based things, like crafts or art.
I work in aviation, which is an industry I dislike. I know everything about it and it pays the bills but it's dry, it's killing the planet, and it's all about money, money, money.
I spent some time last year considering what brings me joy, and what it is that fuels me and gives me *that* feeling. I've done all the hobbies, looked at all the careers, and nothing was anything more than alright.
Then I re-read my diaries from when I was a teenager, back when I was performing on stage. And it reminded me of how that felt. The feeling of being on an empty stage, the feeling of being part of a family for a show and then it's all over and everyone goes their separate ways, the feeling when I hear an orchestra tuning up. That was electric. I still get that buzz when I visit theatres for tours (not performing) and I'm itching to be on the stage.
I have no fear of standing in front of a million people and doing a thing. It's much harder to perform for just one person. Anyway. I was reminded that I already know exactly what gives me that drive.
It's performing.
Yet here I am doing absolutely nothing for that. I don't perform music. I don't perform plays or magic. And my soul is desperately wishing that I was.
I don't expect to make this my career (I have lots of friends who have been struggling through that for 20 years or so) but this is what I need to be human again. Something, anything that gets me on stage.
The problem is I thrive with teachers and get stuck when I constantly try to learn by myself. Music teachers are easy to find. Magic teachers, not so much.
This is my intention anyway.
@miffyhelen it feels like there should be a word for that feeling…
******** (noun) : the feeling of needing to change your life significantly after a period away from your normal routine.
Synonyms: fml