Too bad we don't have a good microphone for recording. We have endless sound effects material in our kitchen alone.

video: it's true you're probably within a few feet of a spider. unless you're in the antarctic, or in the ocean.
us, eerily: it's true. if you think there's not a spider nearby, it's because you don't know where the spider is.

hopping and #purring and drumming on all the things whenever we have a mobile thing to do today

it's always odd to me how the people who usually scream at others for being dependent the most, for having learned helplessness, for not trying, are the first to sell out their creativity, their thinking, their effort, and the ones they said this of, were just having struggles they didn't understand. A few don't bend, but most of those are coming apart at the seams and going I'm fine! Seeing that it is really easy to conclude the reason they accuse people of this is because something inside them desperately just wants to lay down and stop paying attention but they can't so take it out on everyone who seems like they are. That's probably even true. But the way it happens, is probably more than that, and we feel would reveal important information if only we knew it.

you always described that space as a void, the smallest endless gap, an uncrossable empty. Something about that tastes of grief to me. It always reminded me of an ocean. A wild rushing wind. Something that couldn't be controlled.

was rambling half asleep to a friend asking about hashtags and said #purring so now we need to make #purring a thing. another one for the cat photos, and where you can put audios of purrs, and where you can just purr. because sometimes, it's time to purr, and any time is purring time.

it's never what we think it is
not you, but not me.
all there is is the rain,
the approaching night
a bunch of uneasy bundles of smaller
and smaller creatures clutching handfuls
of dreams and magic against
the twilight line, the inevitability
of decaying leaves and deep blue light
our shadows all stretched far
farther than we'd look
at the end you could find one
swaying and muttering, nearly transparent
saying something like i was there the whole way through
the only one who stayed
not even horrible or pitiable.
just so damn sad.

go digging up your tabsoil. it's not there to never be looked at, lived in, cycled through. go harvest what's been growing in your tabsoil.
we have been doing this all day and holy shit the music we've found, and that's just one part of it

I remember someone who used to come on all the time, and then they only came on once in a blue moon, and when they did come on it wasn't Fedi's brokenness they got frustrated with. It was almost always, someone asking for a little compassion they didn't understand so they chose to be frustrated and call it the kind of names you associate with someone going out of their way to fuck with you personally, rather than even just shake their head say I don't get it and move on. Not even saying they had to agree. I think about that a lot.

web client tiiiime

misses the old default posting option and meows
hang on sorry all lol

re earlier: the rattling pile of debris that is tl, jumping at shadows again. but it goes to show us how badly overdue getting out of all of that has been. thankfully nothing happened. thankfully. sometimes you really can just have a day where some vast tangle of fuckshit isn't turning everything inside out in the background. well, it is, but we already know about that one heh. it's not even like, malice. a long time ago we had gotten past always thinking it was malice or insanity but that's when it got the worst. sometimes i regret that i saw what i was frightened of. looking at it did things to tl that can never be undone. put fears in us and made us too hard not to scare. you go looking for the end of time, whatever that means, and what you find there as an answer, does nothing for you anyway but let you live waiting, twitching at every noise, is that the noise. sometimes we wish we'd have stopped at the point where we thought it was always some intentional asshattery, then immediately branched from that to, don't do that, rather than be so insistent on finding what we were looking for because we found it and it was no revelation, it was no answer, it certainly wasn't a solution, and it wasn't anywhere near complete. what we found was a really sad song that something had chewed even harder.

it's not a competition. we could pull together, but instead when we try to describe our differences from each other you always have someone who has to come out of the woodwork to say but what about me, not understanding there was already a place for them in the whole explanation, not understanding no one's trying to measure this shit, not understanding that inclusion will mostly be unfamiliar, because it's about you *too.* not you alone.

seeing another round of "you just think i'm not sufficiently marginalized" from white people who don't realize our brains are always convinced we're in the single most dangerous position ever just because we're in danger at all and i mean be a ther to your brain ok. most of what it is evolved millions of years ago before any of this complicated shit happened. i know your situation is scary but you can stop telling other people who are in danger that they just think you're not in danger enough when they're just trying to explain that their danger is different. all you do is end up doing the thing you say someone else is doing.

broken heart overlay lattice taste of sharp metal. long light through rain. the grain of the wind. soup feathers, breathing, streaming.

keep forgetting that this client doesn't have the same kind of post visibility setting as the other and everything is coming out public. we're getting the hang of it and are trying to start putting threads on unlisted and whatnot.

the persistent sense of being, simultaneously but also in disjointed ways, strewn through a tangle of convoluted, temperamental possibly broken plumbing. at this point we hardly forget where we are, but the sensory input can be disorienting anyway.

the really funny thing about only catching tiny bits of the tl is the context you probably miss. ah, this looks fine. someone's actually talking about this. and three hours before or three hours later, there's them absolutely not talking about it and just shouting about it. you know what? in a lot of cases. i can relate.

eh we'll be fine. you have to be, right?

spotify the bane of so many existences it manages to be the bane of existences it has nothing to do with