and for the record, I am not Eevee of "fractal of bad design" fame; I am sure people have mixed up me and @eevee before. Understandable, we're both cute girls who had a Passionate PHP Hater phase in our distant youths. But I'm a knockoff vocaloid and she's a pokemon. Completely different!

This was eevee's original extremely famous blog post: https://eev.ee/blog/2012/04/09/php-a-fractal-of-bad-design/ which also largely does not apply to PHP As She Is Meant To Be Spoke in 2026, but you can use it as a guide for how not to design a language or other complex software system.