(this is not a sub toot, it's prompted by an email someone sent me)
I really dislike it when people try to soften a call out / reprimand / disagreement / correction by starting with "gently".
Just say it in a straightforward way.
@Zumbador are you familiar with the literature on the social and economic penalties faced by many of us for saying things directly?
like, it would be great to just call people on their shit, but as a middle-aged woman that's not practical for me in literally any venue in which I operate, because people get mad and it turns into a "why are you such a bitch" conversation instead of being at all constructive
@sarae I'm in that demographic as well, (or, person perceived as being a woman anyway) but for some that makes me feel even more sensitised to when that particular softening technique is used on me!
@Zumbador yeah it actually makes it feel more touchy, saying it that way. Like "no offense but" introduces the idea that the thing is offensive so feels actually more hurtful than just making the observation. Announcing yourself doing "gently" feels passive aggressive or cloying
@Zumbador Like, show don't tell. Don't say "gently," just be gentle about it
@independentpen
Yes exactly!