love when a floppy-eared dog's ears perk up. looks so cute. oh did you hear something, buddy? you going to try to fold a fitted sheet around your head about it?

kexp had to call in the national guard to get bob mould to leave. he wasn't doing anything bad, he had just been jamming out in the studio for 30 hours straight and everyone wanted to go home. he broke a string and while he was distracted they managed to pick him up under the armpits and carry him outside

bruce willis is kinda the bruce springsteen of guys named bruce

"trunk or treat" go to hell

not to be weird but [is weird]

women can produce mind-boggling effects

the term "gaydar" is a useful but is a simplification. there is actually a quite sophisticated homosensor suite in use. the sj radar is a 10-cm band set used for range and direction finding of surface gays. the sd radar is a 2-meter band omnidirectional set that provides early warning of aerial gays. the qc/jk sonar set incorporates both active "ping" capabilities as well as passive directional hydrophones, for detecting both surfaced or submerged lesbians.

[user was banned for this post]

reason: effortposting in a sprezzatura thread

"sarah you can't just effectively dictate memes and hope dan will photoshop them together for you like some kind of meme secretary"

counterpoint: :garfield:

"we still talk about you" girl lying on grave meme:

metrocards and subway tokens underground

not now sweetie mommy is doing arbitrage trades on neopets

charge your sex toys off the usb port on the back of the wi-fi cameras in the airbnb to assert dominance

pokémon go to the gas station and ask for the bathroom key (not sexual)

women

:bing: is it rude to commission a furry artist to draw a regular human

counter-strike "beefy computer" chest tattoo

my wife and i actually met on a dating app (ravelry)

lgbt stands for "lawnmower - grind blade tonight?"

confession time. my wife found out i was secretly using grinder.

she probably got suspicious when the mushrooming on the firewood splitting wedge disappeared, or because i hiding the edges of my lathe tools from her sight.

but the ceiling fell in when she caught me in the act. i had left some steel wool out when the shower of sparks coming off the lawnmower blade ignited it, and she burst in with a fire extinguisher.

we're in couples counseling now to work on communication and hand-filing.

i put on a little country and western music, real good stuff, and my wife, perfection on earth though she may be, objected. she said she was trying to spend some quality time petting the dog, and the dog is german so country music is inappropriate. so now she's getting markus and die woodys and some prussian marches and, believe this, she objects even more. well, well, well, angel corporeal, queen of my heart, the pedal steel isn't so bad now is it