The staff engineer on my team has an all too common belief that you want alerts that tell you to "look at stuff when you have time"

When has anyone in tech in the last 15 years ever had a spare second to look at some random alert that fires 80 times a week? Absolutely never. The only correct solution is to tune every alert to make it immediately actionable when it fires - ie only you, the human, can do non trivial steps to remediate.