@roknrol I think it makes sense. In my life I have people I can be myself around--okay, three people--but I don't have a big social circle and I ended up in a professional/academic space that might best be described as a gossipy, conformity-obsessed bucket of crabs. Okay, I guess that sounds pretty harsh.

Honestly, one of the things that has made me happier recently is discovering burns. That is, burning man type events. Local ones. Sometimes they're called regional burns. I am closer to being myself there than in any group of people elsewhere. Sadly, even in a good year I only get to two or three. The gaps between them are very long.

And I live somewhere with cold and somewhat (not terribly, but enough) gloomy winters, which affects me much more than I wish it did. But I have a daughter who brings me equal amounts happiness and sadness (but large meta-happiness), a partner I somehow miraculously met, and a good friend two hours away. Most days that's enough. A few years ago I didn't have most of this, and I also had a very confusing marriage that caused me more misery than I can sometimes believe right now. It was fucking rough. I didn't do anything to deserve the three amazing people in my life right now, and I don't know exactly how I got here. I don't know very well how to share happiness, either, but I'm trying to figure that out.