Jul 7, 2026, 2:28 PMWhy do many people (particularly cishet people) see big age gaps in couples that met well into adulthood (25+) as creepy or problematic? Maybe it's my queer point of view, but as long as one doesn't depend economically on the other, I don't see the issue.
A big difference in life experiences can be a problem, but that can happen between people of similar age too.
Jul 7, 2026, 2:34 PM@starsider It's always been framed to me as "When you were graduating high school at 18, they were [whatever]."
I think a lot of this precipitates from the usual way this dynamic plays out in public for cishet couples: Older men and younger women. The older partner typically has more wealth and the younger partner is viewed either as a "gold-digger" (or other derogatory term with parasitic connotations) or "trophy" (depending one one's vanity).
One need only look at, e.g., Jerry Seinfeld dating a 17 year-old when he was 38 to see the extreme negative reactions this gets. (Obviously, this case doesn't apply to your parameters, but these beliefs are often formed by edge cases rather than the general case.)
@starsider It's nearly always rich old men. It's literally patriarchal.
Jul 7, 2026, 3:54 PMJul 7, 2026, 4:32 PM@foolishowl I wrote this after watching a video that talks (among other things) about two characters (both adult men) in a videogame where one may have a crush on the other, and they say "assuming the age gap is appropriate" which left me wondering why would that matter. Particularly when the younger one is the bigger of the two.
@starsider I understand it's not the age gap, in itself, that's abusive. But in my experience of heterosexual relationships, there's such a strong correlation between age gaps and abuse, that it immediately raises suspicions. In particular, older men abusing younger women is *extremely* common. Older women abusing younger men is rarer, but I know people it's happened to.
Reactionary men have become increasingly open about targeting younger women because it's easier to exploit them.
I can imagine a relationship with an age gap that isn't abusive, but I've never seen it.
Jul 7, 2026, 5:17 PM@foolishowl I think I've seen it (between two gay men) but I'm not sure because it's been a long while since I knew about them.