even more embarrassing: ive always wanted to be a fiction author, and my stupid habit of saying 'yes i've got this' to every single little thing meant that i never got to actually focus on that. trans people talk about time lost a lot, and this is my big loss: all the years i could have been writing what i wanted to write, instead of whatever random 'problem' i was throwing my time at, instead.
because i could never stop. if i stopped, id actually notice my dysphoria.