Recently I had a chance to be publicly credited in a book for influence that I had in private that had a downstream effect I consider positive, in line with my career goals, but that happened informally. Being credited also would have made it clear that certain parts of my vision for the future are not just things I ripped off of more famous researchers who, by default, get attributed for parts of the vision we share, even when the influence is mutual. This involved a popular science publisher that, in the past, had ignored me when writing about my field of expertise many times, even when other researchers had sent them my name. Even getting interviewed was a first for me for this publisher!
That chance was quashed when the relevant influence was cut from the book. Now there is just a hole there. I have been replaced in the book by the muse of a famous researcher, nameless and never explicitly mentioned. I am a hole.
I am actually very depressed about this, even though it feels irrational to have ever expected this to work out. I know these informal sources of influence are usually left to recommendation letters. I know in this case that I have access to such a letter and that it can make my tenure case. I know that the researcher tried his best and this is more about the author and publisher of the book. And the author has even apologized to me.
But the chance of having this published in a book, as something I could cite and even show my parents, got my hopes up so high. Now the book is sitting on the floor of the entrance to my house, right where I dropped it when I first picked it up and had those hopes quashed. I'm left wondering why, time and time again, I play the role of the nameless muse.
