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  • Michael of Ragged Featherssignalstation@raggedfeathers.com
    Oct 26, 2026, 11:05 PM

    [Quickly scanning through a microfiche, stopping, scrolling, magnifying a photo of a store opening to focus on Dracula standing in the crowd, white face, fangs, cape, being chill while a local luminary wields a giant pair of scissors to cut a ribbon.]

    [Quick montage of words from headlines, centered in frame: Blood, Bargains, Grand Opening]

    Me (clicking off the microfiche reader): I've got you now, you sonnuvabitch.

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  • Michael of Ragged Featherssignalstation@raggedfeathers.com
    Oct 26, 2026, 11:20 PM

    [Freeze frame on Dracula tearing me in half]

    VO: Yup. That's me, getting torn in half by Dracula. I bet you're wondering how I found myself in this particular pickle...

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:01 AM

    @signalstation
    [black and white footage of Dracula eyeing the neck of a blonde woman sitting next to him at the bar. Focus shifts and I'm leaning against a pillar in the background, smoking a cigar]
    VO: In a city like this, crime never sleeps. Sleepwalking crime, death around every corner. Most people can't deal with it, it breaks them. But I am already broken. Only the broken can survive in a city like this, where the scum mixes with the res—oh shit! is that fucking Dracula?! oh fuck fuck fu

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:11 AM

    @signalstation

    [footage of Dracula stalking a virgin in a white nightgown, the moment he strikes is replayed thrice in slow motion]

    VO: This one has found his prey. The virgin has no time to react as the vampyr sinks his teeth into her neck. He'll drain her fully, all 4.5 liters. This will satiate him for the time being, but by tomorrow night he'll be on the hunt again.

    [footage of Dracula levitating in front of a window, tapping it with long nails]

    VO: He is looking to attract a mate…

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  • Michael of Ragged Featherssignalstation@raggedfeathers.com
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:13 AM

    @Optional

    VO: Note the coloration in the male of the Dracula species. The deep reds of the cloak's interior, which flair— just so— to attract attention. The high contrast of the pale skin and dark hair.

    [footage of a female Dracula tapping a dude on the shoulder, him setting down his drink and following her out the door of a bar]

    VO: By contrast, the female of the species has no such need for such ... showy displays.

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:24 AM

    @signalstation

    VO: Cold cobblestone. Heavy wooden furniture. High ceilings with chains dangling. A foul smell and an unsettling atmosphere. THIS is Dracula's natural habitat—a castle in Transylvania.
    BUT…

    [a light approaches from a hallway]

    VO: …he is not alone! This one seems to have found himself…

    [a hunched over figure enters, grabs a cockroach off the wall and leisurely eats it]

    VO: …a Renfield!

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:28 AM

    @signalstation I sure hope he is, because I'm not paying for your whole seat for you to just be using half

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  • Michael of Ragged Featherssignalstation@raggedfeathers.com
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:29 AM

    @Optional

    ... He's on the back of my seat, isn't he.

    [is snatched up in the air, the seat suddenly doused with a cascade of blood]

    Me (thinly, from a great distance): CLASSIC Dracula...

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:41 AM

    @signalstation

    [me looking out of the floor to ceiling windows, Dracula disappearing with you into the nights sky]

    [drums, electric guitar, and a chorus going "ooohooooh"]

    [the skyscrapers outside collapsing in explosions]

    Pixies: With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
    Try this trick and spin it
    Your head will collapse, if there's nothing in it
    And you'll ask yourself

    [black screen, white gothic font: Written and Directed by BRAM STOKER]

    Where is my mind?
    Where is my mind?

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 12:54 AM

    @signalstation

    VO: In a world…

    [dark woods, crows crowing, bats batting]

    VO: …shrouded in darkness…

    [a frightened girl runs down the street]

    VO: …one man…

    [a shadow crosses the street in a flash]

    VO: …has it all

    [cloaked figure emerging from the shadows, red eyes shining]

    [black, a scream, cut, lighthearted music, a feast, camera tracks down the long table to the figure at the head]

    VO: Timothée Chalamet…

    [he flashes his teeth]

    VO: …is Dracula!

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  • OptionalOptional@dice.camp
    Oct 27, 2026, 1:07 AM

    @signalstation I don't know if that'll be enough, but it's worth a try! Thanks for the entertainment and good night!

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