[Freeze frame on Dracula tearing me in half]
VO: Yup. That's me, getting torn in half by Dracula. I bet you're wondering how I found myself in this particular pickle...
They say when you die that time slows down so you have plenty of time to narrate your story to those interested.
Oct 27, 2026, 12:01 AM@signalstation
[black and white footage of Dracula eyeing the neck of a blonde woman sitting next to him at the bar. Focus shifts and I'm leaning against a pillar in the background, smoking a cigar]
VO: In a city like this, crime never sleeps. Sleepwalking crime, death around every corner. Most people can't deal with it, it breaks them. But I am already broken. Only the broken can survive in a city like this, where the scum mixes with the res—oh shit! is that fucking Dracula?! oh fuck fuck fu
Oct 27, 2026, 12:11 AM[footage of Dracula stalking a virgin in a white nightgown, the moment he strikes is replayed thrice in slow motion]
VO: This one has found his prey. The virgin has no time to react as the vampyr sinks his teeth into her neck. He'll drain her fully, all 4.5 liters. This will satiate him for the time being, but by tomorrow night he'll be on the hunt again.
[footage of Dracula levitating in front of a window, tapping it with long nails]
VO: He is looking to attract a mate…
VO: Note the coloration in the male of the Dracula species. The deep reds of the cloak's interior, which flair— just so— to attract attention. The high contrast of the pale skin and dark hair.
[footage of a female Dracula tapping a dude on the shoulder, him setting down his drink and following her out the door of a bar]
VO: By contrast, the female of the species has no such need for such ... showy displays.
Oct 27, 2026, 12:24 AMVO: Cold cobblestone. Heavy wooden furniture. High ceilings with chains dangling. A foul smell and an unsettling atmosphere. THIS is Dracula's natural habitat—a castle in Transylvania.
BUT…
[a light approaches from a hallway]
VO: …he is not alone! This one seems to have found himself…
[a hunched over figure enters, grabs a cockroach off the wall and leisurely eats it]
VO: …a Renfield!
I am on the edge of my seat
Oct 27, 2026, 12:27 AM@signalstation ok, but where's Dracula? I thought you were watching him?
He could be on the back of my seat, for all I know, 'cause all I'm using is the /edge!/
Oct 27, 2026, 12:28 AM@signalstation I sure hope he is, because I'm not paying for your whole seat for you to just be using half
... He's on the back of my seat, isn't he.
[is snatched up in the air, the seat suddenly doused with a cascade of blood]
Me (thinly, from a great distance): CLASSIC Dracula...
Oct 27, 2026, 12:41 AM[me looking out of the floor to ceiling windows, Dracula disappearing with you into the nights sky]
[drums, electric guitar, and a chorus going "ooohooooh"]
[the skyscrapers outside collapsing in explosions]
Pixies: With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it
Your head will collapse, if there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
[black screen, white gothic font: Written and Directed by BRAM STOKER]
Where is my mind?
Where is my mind?
of course, the trailer will use a slowed down cover version, to make it spookier (and to save a bit of budget on the licensing)
Oct 27, 2026, 12:54 AMVO: In a world…
[dark woods, crows crowing, bats batting]
VO: …shrouded in darkness…
[a frightened girl runs down the street]
VO: …one man…
[a shadow crosses the street in a flash]
VO: …has it all
[cloaked figure emerging from the shadows, red eyes shining]
[black, a scream, cut, lighthearted music, a feast, camera tracks down the long table to the figure at the head]
VO: Timothée Chalamet…
[he flashes his teeth]
VO: …is Dracula!
Oct 27, 2026, 1:07 AM@signalstation I don't know if that'll be enough, but it's worth a try! Thanks for the entertainment and good night!