Oct 21, 2026, 10:24 PM@noodlemaz @Xibanya @jannem as someone who's also been The Only Senior Woman(-shaped) i thought manuela's perspective was great tbh. i view it less coddling and more like, actually decentering men in an empowering way? stuff like "if we just hold all men accountable" still centers men. its definitely important to call bullshit out, but we can still take other steps to build a better place that isn't just having to fix the men.
@jannem @atsuzaki @noodlemaz yeah exactly. I don't want to be responsible for some guy's moral development. I choose to stay an individual contributor for a reason! I just wanna work while keeping my dignity, if I get my paycheck without feeling like my soul is trampled on I don't really care if the men are held accountable for whatever weird beliefs they have locked in their brain
@jannem @noodlemaz @atsuzaki if i wanted to be responsible for men's immortal souls id go be a pastor or something
Oct 21, 2026, 10:41 PM@Xibanya @jannem @noodlemaz calling out people's sexism is also like, an extremely slow fix? it takes years and years of work to root out a bunch of random subconscious sexist beliefs you may have. the men who are doing honest hard work addressing their biases will still be dumb and sexist during the whole process. having "hi we hired the assistant that takes notes and make coffee" protects women engineers from psychic damage from day 1
@atsuzaki @jannem @noodlemaz calling someone out for sexism imo is best reserved for leadership, if someone is a junior or on my level, if I mention it at all it's in a private DM and generally phrased to protect their feelings because I don't need them to feel bad, if I am going that far it means the behavior is detrimental to me and I simply need it to stop
@atsuzaki @Xibanya @jannem I'm certainly not saying it's the only thing anyone should ever be doing!
Also in other situations, it's very much not just about the man in question but everyone listening (including other women, in most situations).
It makes a more permissive environment for people asking others to do better and a less permissive one for the shit. It helps people feel less alone.
And no that shouldn't just be on junior people.
And the reason I saw this thread was because a man who was being a sexist prick at me had boosted it 😅