I need to be given the ability to make my hand ignite whenever I shake hands with someone in agreement.
"Good, let's shake on it."
🔥
🤝
I don't *much* care whether the fire will hurt them or not, but I personally think the look of sheer aghastment would be much better than an expression of pain.
like yes, those onesided "kink contracts" where you sign your body away are cute and all, but isn't it way more fun when everyone gets to add clauses in an attempt to fuck the other partner over at the most funny time?
They gave us a legal system so we could wield the power of nation states against others. Why not use that for kinky shenanigans?
(It wasn't *intentional* that the above examples read like a continuous story, but it's certainly not unwelcome, either)
People should do more kink things with contracts and legal shenanigans. Just think of the options!
It was literally made for bratting, from both top and bottom.
- "Pff. And who are you? The head of compliance?"
- "Here, sign this." - "What is tha-" - "Don't worry about it kitten,,"
- "Not only do I want you to. You must. According to the ToS you signed without reading."
- "Oh, why should you do that? Appendix 2, section 4, subsection 1, clauses 2-6" - *frantic shuffling through paper*
Oh how I wished I lived 80 years ago where one could amass power and influence by merely projecting out and signalling religious virtues.
(The CW is too good not to steal it :3)
The two allowed ways for Humans to spend their day are:
1) create shareholder value
2) engage in the approved free time activities A through F. (See appendix 2b)
Other activities are wasted time and will not count towards your achievements.
It is important to remember our core mission. We are a big family, it is your responsibility to contribute your share.
Kind regards,
Management.
@tay@transfem.social Victims are always in such a rush until they realise how good it feels to have teeth sunk into them...
I was haunted by a ghost named "heat pump is the perfect number of characters for knuckle tats" and he said he wouldn't leave until I painted this #digitalart #portrait
Girl with pinpoint terminal guidance x girl that doesn't need terminal guidance.
Zuglesben will literally have yet another 600km long-distance relationship before going to therapy.
alternatively, this would be a great name for the super secret exclusive embers shitposting groupchat.
Calling my headmates the "embers members" from now on :3
.oO( Trapping a vampire by surrounding them with doors that lead to the inside of homes )
becoming plural to sound more scientific and authoritative by saying things like “we conclude”
Blood is not only thicker than water, it is also more nutritious. Still your hunger on the weak and innocent today!
hey fedi what's the normal amount of horny to experience while someone's using a hammer to assemble some furniture?
@kookie based on current trends, our sophisticated models predict that the next funny number is -120
Shoutout to the "the worst women you can imagine"-author writing something out of her comfort zone: "the worst creature of indeterminate gender you can imagine".
There's a key on my keyring I just don't know what it's for. It's been there for at least 1 year.
What am I supposed to do with something like that?
@embers alles ist politisch. Ergo dürfen Soldaten nie Uniform tragen.
Kongress ist politisch, oder?
