I was always better at what physics was supposed to be than what it was. I had a decent sense for interesting problems, and I made progress on them. I was an enthusiastic teacher, perhaps an effective one. I expected the best from my students and was mostly not disappointed.

I lacked the ambition to pursue an ever-shrinking slice of the tenure-track pie. Oh, I could be plenty ambitious, but that channeled itself into goals like crafting the best possible explanation of the addition of quantum angular momentum. Intensely satisfying for me, potentially helpful for a few, yet useless for advancing a career.

And then, of course, I had to choose between living a lie that was killing me or outing myself as a member of a minority that an increasing number of governments want to see die.