How do you get a Bulbasaur on a bus? You Pokémon. Thank you goodbye.

COME ON! LET'S DO THIS! MON-DAY! MON-DAY! MON-DAY!

These are from a Smithsonian article but I didn't post it because these are new lines that have been discovered using Ai, but now you now in case you want to search it up and read it. X

All of human accomplishment - an entire history of vast technological advancement. And yet the enduring achievement will be the Nazca Lines. No one gives a shit about the iPhone mate, show me your big ground drawings.

TiL there's a new film where Olivia Coleman fully goes to town on Alexander Skarsgård as a basket-person with a wicker penis however when I create Belinda Carlisle out of fish fingers *I'm* the weirdo

https://variety.com/2026/artisans/news/what-alexander-skarsgard-wicker-basket-was-made-from-1236929863/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cmj6jwe1j1gjo

I could be the first person ever to discover roast parsnips with pesto. It's unlikely but not impossible. You'd never know, would you? You just don't think to question this sort of stuff. Maybe not that because it's quite obvious - I assume other people think to pair things that start with the same letter. Like wearing pink pyjamas and smoking a pipe. Pouring a pitcher of Pimms into a piano. It's the most natural thing in the world. But perhaps not....... Grapes with...... Sriracha. Because that would be fucking mental. Or...... New TikTok trend? You are literally never going to believe this.... Looked it up and it is genuinely a viral TikTok trend. God and irony are dead dead dead. Is it ironic? (don't you think?) I genuinely believe we have at least one original thought in each of us. Let's do it now. Think of one thing that is entirely original. You can do it. I'd give you some pointers but we only have all of current human knowledge to draw from, which invariably leads us to thoughts that have already been thunk. We need new ways. New paths to follow. Or maybe not even paths. But to step through a doorway to another way. Become a helicopter blade and slowly rotate off into the atmosphere - change up our perspective to come up with a never-before thought thought, liiiiiike.............. A collapsed star trapped in a soap bubble, impossible symbiotic physics - a perfect structure. Equal pressure containing all of the force within a gossamer thin shell. True natural beauty. Finally understanding, delivered as a physical metaphor. The saviour of our human condition, bootstrapping the next phase of our evolution. We are all collapsing stars, and only the fragile nature of soap holds us back from imploding and taking out the whole fucking neighborhood. Is this a new thought? I feel dangerously close to something. What would we evolve into? Ha-HA! It's a trick! We'd go BACKWARDS into monkeys. Monkeys are the ideal form. We'd just smash the shit out of our smartphones and go and live up a tree. Checking each other for nits and chewing on some grass. Ocassionally just having a lovely big scream. I long to be a monkey.

Obamas speech is absolutely brutal. 'He’s got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened up a Cheesecake Factory'. 😂😂😂😂

I'm bringing back greeting people in the streets. I have thus far good-morning'd 6 unsuspecting folk of my local community and have achieved a 100% hit rate. I cannot be stopped. I am the friendly neighbourhood....Goodmorning-Man. Goodmorning-Man, Goodmorning-Man. Does whatever a goodmorning can.

Lovely weather for ducks (I haven't heard this in a while so just making sure it's still in circulation)

Trick or Pete. You must choose either a trick, or to have my Uncle Pete over for dinner.

Wolverpeen. I think that's quite self-explanatory.

An XMen but it's just infinite snot. 'The Blower'

This is my trifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

My trifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

They should invent a year that's good

Expelled from the Illuminati because my ideas were 'too weird'

We have disconnected your networks

The Eye is always watching

Cool, but also.... terrifying. Not sure how I feel about our oceans becoming wired.

Meta's 4,300-mile-long internet cable will shuttle data along the ocean floor at 1 million gigabits per second

https://www.livescience.com/technology/communications/new-4-300-mile-long-internet-cable-will-shuttle-data-along-the-ocean-floor-at-1-million-gigabits-per-second

Does anyone know how to join the Illuminati? I am available if anyone knows any of them. I'm happy to make the teas, am morally flexible and am happy to come up with shadowy plans of global domination.

I have a lot of questions about this. Specifically the physics of it. What about..... Steeper hill, heavier person, oilier axle, windier tailwind etc.

Diego Poncelet sets 94.34mph skateboarding world record

https://www.redbull.com/int-en/diego-poncelet-downhill-skateboard-world-record