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  • MaddieM4MaddieM4
    Aug 14, 2026, 4:52 AM

    And like, the thing is, I'm NOT up to my old capacity in a lot of ways, and I can't be. But what I am realizing is I was underestimating how much good I could make out of a bad situation, and that's a lesson I need to internalize and bring with me, so I have it ready the next time life kicks me. I can't always just make those bad situations go away. But I can trust my ability to rebuild, that I can do that better than looks possible from the bed of an AirBnB. That even if my body has a lot of limits, there's always a starting point to rebuild the trust and companionship I have with my physical form.

    Anyways. Not only am I getting pretty close to attempting an uphill bike ride in max gear soon, after this morning's ride went so well... I did a mile on the elliptical this evening to burn off some emotional steam. I'm dealing with a lot on the front, but I'm bouncing back better than I expected to be possible. I've smiled and laughed and cuddled and helped and planned for tomorrow. I'm happy. Even if I'm sad.

    A full mile in less than half an hour. 29:46.
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  • MaddieM4MaddieM4
    Aug 14, 2026, 5:00 AM

    I think it's important that I didn't do it for anybody else. I asked myself what would make me feel better, and it was this. During the hard parts, I put a lot of weight on my lived experience that *I can do this.* And I really did feel better! That was the point. Not optimizing myself for some external grindset.

    I'm very aware that I could easily make a brand out of being a hustle anticapitalist, and that would be very funny, but that would also miss the point. Even a lot of self improvement stuff misses the point, the why you'd improve yourself. Are you doing what makes you happy? Are you constructing the self you'd be happy in? That's the shit that matters. Your body, mind and soul are the only things you always take with you everywhere. You should be kind to them. You should be giving them opportunities to prove themselves and grow, so when you need them, you don't have to wonder if they can support you in a crisis. That's all.

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