english has the idiom "to be of two minds" about something

but danish has the idiom "to be of seven minds"

which is vastly superior

need to call the car insurance company and say hey...someone crashed into me

repeatedly, tried to make it look like i kept backing into things

also they sat in the driver's seat, smoked a bunch of joints, got burn marks everywhere

it was a hit and run

and i suppose it's sincere, when someone says they love you

because it's love in the sense that a person might love their car

it's a symbol, it gets them where they need to go, it's a marker of status, of identity, and so on

they don't really teach you that abusive people tend to profess friendship, affection, love, etc.

there are objectively very few people in my life, vastly fewer than, say...5, 10, 20, 30 years ago

not sure how to feel about it

most of those relationships in retrospect appear to have been one-sided or transactional

but do i care that much. not like, what could i do about that, obvious i could change it, would i really care to, knowing that, so many of the friends i had sort of kept me in their orbit to serve some purpose

do any condolences cards say "you need to start blaming yourself"

laundry: invariably wrinkled

my kid asked me what insanity is

i said...it's when you no longer understand what reality is

they said, that sounds really really scary

i said...oh. it is.

it is

i'm not saying the movie's about my life

but like...what is real when everyone else agrees on a fiction?

am i hallucinating what happened?

what if i can't stop remembering?

are they sane, and i've gone mad?

the dybbuk's something unresolved, something that refuses to stay buried. the violent return of a past that people prefer to forget

which is kind of idk intellectually more horrifying than a jump scare

which, for me, there's something close to home in it

i'm forced to deal with the question of what is real if everyone collectively erases what happened

what happens if one person can't stop remembering when everyone else has made it go away

i want to, but cannot, join their collective fiction

watched Demon (2015)

Polish horror

the premise is that a man about to be married renovates an old house in the country, discovers human remains, then reburies them

turns out they belonged to a Jewish girl who was killed during the war, she then comes back as a dybbuk at the wedding reception

everyone works to deny what's happening

and it's a callback to the 1937 Yiddish horror movie The Dybbuk

meditation on erasure, memory, deliberate forgetting

pretty good

political powers get credit for monuments

the workers who quarried the stone, hauled the materials, and did the actual construction disappear

The Bucket War.

Modena stole a bucket from Bologna. They went to war.

2000 people died.

You can still see the bucket in Modena. They're proud of it.

2000 people.

your friend, mr. horse

the time-traveling, history-erasing ungulate

it's weird, you know, it's weird. decades of something...then you know...yea no goodbye. nothing like that. just *bloop* don't exist, you don't exist. never did.

and you have to ask...about those years... *did* they happen? what is true? quid est veritas? do facts matter? or does the current story matter. has east asia always been at war with oceania? if that's what we now must believe?

can events unhappen?

wie es eigentlich gewesen ist?

bullshit, von ranke

damnatio memoriae

why do i find it so threatening to see the words "dedicated to preserving freedom"?

i suppose because it suggests that there is something at risk that needs "preserved" ie that the status quo is not only acceptable but also must be defended

Bosnia AND Herzegovina? In this economy?

i guess they're finally shutting down the Internet, idk

Thank you God for this Baseball we are about to enjoy.

took an aptitude test

results: apt