I'm a big boy!
Just finished plumbing in this new dishwasher. Very pleased with myself.
No drips, no leaks. Perfect.

Also, what time does this machine default to?!
It's German, maybe that's why??! #420BlazeIt

It never ceases to amaze me how I fail to realise how much something means to me until it's gone.

Dropped my favourite work coffee-mug in the kitchen.
A bajillion pieces.

Send help. 😭

My neighbour is getting their #EV charging port fitted tomorrow.
Both families are all excited...

Especially as we've been letting them use ours for the last four months.
That's how long it's taken for two different people to sign a document saying the installation can proceed.

Not. Even. Kidding.

"School was a party twenty years earlier
Filth and death abounded everywhere, yes
Toots left on the floor
A man in boots was standing trapped in the floor
I was a crazy toot who didn't know what to do
To go off and face

Got a tiny alibi, tiny my room
Put my things away and put my things away
And I made things big and span

Got some virgins on my love song
Got some virgins on my love song
Got some virgins on my love song
Got some virgins on my love song
Tiny love!

Got my kids at large
Been tiny for the year

School was a party twenty years earlier
Filth and death abounded everywhere, yes
To go off and face"

Genuinely might be the worst interpretation of the lyrics to "To Go Off And Things" by Cardiacs.

"School was a party twenty years earlier" should be
"Squalor is at large in tidy suburbia"

Not. Even. Close!

I'm on a train (humble-brag).

Train just pulled into the station, came to a full stop.
That's the moment when they stood up and gathered their things to leave the train.

Like, what?!

As the years wear on we got ever closer to the 100-year anniversary of the things that led to, and were a massive part of, #WW2.

1926 was a "nothing" year, but we get ever closer to these anniversaries.

Scary.

Me?!
Drinking?!

On a school night?!!

At midnight?!!?

Yep!

Since losing (and, to some extent, regaining) my sense of smell I have just one question:

Does my aftershave smell ok?

Cos to me it smells like it's gone off. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm about to enjoy some culture.

#Oklahoma at a local community centre.
A friend of mine has a role. 👍🏻

Yo-yo-yo
Won the #NationalLottery again last night.

Whoop whoop.

(Two) beers on me!

(I won £5)

I'm in a work meeting with a German company.
Our project-lead just asked the German chap if a specific issue was "on his radar".

Bit insensitive given that the Germans didn't have radar in WW2 😂

Panicked this morning as I exited the bathroom and spotted the clock on the landing.
I was all "shit, where's the morning gone? How long was I in there?" until I realised we switched from BST to "dark and miserable till March" overnight.

Stay safe out there, people. You got an hour back!

I don't want to talk up MS-Teams, but that keyboard shortcut of up-arrow to quickly edit your last message is something WhatsApp needs to learn.

It's so hard to edit your message.
Step up, WhatsApp. Step up.

This new initiative to fine people playing music on public transport without headphones will be as enforceable as the expectation on NHS staff to tell smokers to leave the site.

Derision will be the entry-level response. Violence probably on that list too.

Let me get this straight.
I have three lollipops in front of me. I chose the pink one.

And now there are 2 new universes where I chose one of the other two lollies instead?!

AND one where I chose NOT to write this post?!

Mind: blown

I used to keep a daily diary between 1991 and 1993 (when I was 18-20 yo). I've just found them.

Should I read or burn them?
For clarity: it was the time period when I was the drummer in a thrash metal band...

"Hell hath no fury" needs a minor revision.

Should be:
Hell hath no fury like a German angry about politics.

These guys can argue, and be correct.
Best place to learn good grammar, too.

@spytfyre @Drachenstreichler when I first went over to Germany (Wolfenbüttel) I was asked to introduce myself to the other people in the student accommodation.

I said "My name is Matthew but my friends call me 'cunt'".

The only guy who laughed was from East Germany. 😂

Watch: What we know about Russia's overnight strikes on #Ukraine

BBC Ukraine Correspondent Dan Johnson is in Kyiv, where at least three people were killed in overnight strikes.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/cmx280x092x7o?at_medium=RSS&at_campaign=rss

(c) #BBC #News

Stayed in a hotel last night.
The room to my left had a guy who laughed like a donkey till 1am.

The room to my right felt the need to talk loudly on a call on loudspeaker this morning at 6am.

Sartre was right. Other people are cunts.