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  • Johnjohnzajac@dice.camp
    Nov 5, 2026, 7:54 PM

    I'm thinking a little about how interpersonal fighting and bickering is a skill, and an important one at that. The "avoid fighting with others" idea - an extremely white idea, btw, in my exp - has created an entire generation of white people that literally can't argue without it going south really quick.

    My first exposure to my Black and Puerto Rican friends' families - I would stay with them sometimes during college breaks - were lifechanging in part because of how they fought.

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  • Johnjohnzajac@dice.camp
    Nov 5, 2026, 7:58 PM

    Earnestly, loudly, lovingly, and with limits. But boy did they fight. My idea of fights were like, Midwestern WASP fights where after 15 years of tamping down feelings two people would say shit that couldn't be unsaid and then never speak again.

    I'm not saying that bad fights never happen in minority communities - I've seen those too - but there's a valve there I never had as a kid or as an adult.

    I never got great at it, but I learned a lot about arguing from love from my friends.

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