I'm not trying to shill for Big Pharma here, but if you are someone for whom life feels like a constant psychic knife wound...consider finding a good psychiatrist, if you can (sadly, this is easier said than done), & find out if there is medication that can help you.

There is no perfect solution. I am lucky to be best case scenario: I have never been put on a medication that gave me bad side effects, so I can't speak to that experience, but...they have the *potential* to change your life.