Oct 12, 2026, 4:05 PM@sundogplanets @ravenbait super cliché but "I statements" work wonders. They don't have to understand your reasoning, but they need to be able to respect your strong feelings in order to have a relationship with you.
- Oct 12, 2026, 4:05 PM
Replies
Oct 12, 2026, 5:39 PM@iris @sundogplanets @ravenbait
I love that specific set of feedback rules: I see that you do/did so-and-so. It made me feel such-and-such. I do not like that. I would like you to stop doing that.
- Oct 12, 2026, 5:44 PM
@Marrekoo @sundogplanets @ravenbait it can work (if the other person cares!) in situations where you disagree on fundamentals: I realize this isn't something that bothers you, but this bothers me quite a bit, and I find it very hurtful that you would continue to do this [involving me somehow], knowing how I feel about it. It's the agree to disagree that still comes with action.
Which can make it a difficult approach to want to take: clearly I am right and you should be convinced, you should realize why I am right, I should not have to resort to couching it as you tiptoeing around my feelings. It can feel degrading to work out how to phrase it.
But sometimes it's the only thing I can find that works.
- Oct 12, 2026, 5:49 PM
@iris @sundogplanets @ravenbait well said. On the other hand, it does offload stuff to the other party. The hardest thing to do is receiving feedback well. They might take it in to think about it, they might concede and try to change their behaviour, or they might shrug it off or refute it. That's on the other side to decide. And it makes it clear what to expect/invest in the future.
Curiosojcurioso@mastodon.socialOct 12, 2026, 5:53 PM@iris @Marrekoo @sundogplanets @ravenbait
I would try to avoid sending anything to him like the plague.
But if this can't be avoided, your answer seems very sensible.
If he even bothers to read the message, of course.
El Duvelleelduvelle@neuromatch.socialOct 12, 2026, 6:25 PM- Curiosojcurioso@mastodon.socialOct 12, 2026, 6:27 PM
Random pronoun.
Any suggestion of which pronoun I should have used?
English is not my first language.
- El Duvelleelduvelle@neuromatch.socialOct 12, 2026, 6:34 PM
Oct 12, 2026, 6:39 PM@jcurioso @elduvelle @iris "they"/"them" can be used as singular non-gendered pronouns. (There was a time they were almost exclusively used as plural pronouns, but now they can be either.)
P.S. Mastodon thinks your post is written in Dutch, it seems 😆
BBEGTPKBBEGTPK@mastodon.socialOct 13, 2026, 3:42 AM@diazona
Apparently 'they' for an unknown individual has been in use for a long time. Like we have examples from the 1300s in middle English through to the late 1700s when someone decided the generic pronoun should be 'he'.