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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 7:32 PM

    Effectively we are *all* dangerous. There is no way to know the difference

    And here’s a thing: those protesting their personal innocence

    A) look guilty. ‘The lady doth protest too much’

    B) are just diverting attention away from the real big issue which is male on female sexual assault - & as ever - making this about men. Again

    So when you see the issue being discussed my suggestion is - radical I know & massively difficult given our from-birth conditioning: don’t comment.

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Replies

  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 7:35 PM

    So what can you do?

    This is difficult because it goes against absolutely everything we’ve learned and is deep ingrained in us.

    But what we can do is make it uncomfortable for those who normalise it. I know it isn’t easy. But it can be done and after the 1st time it gets easier.

    We can of course, we could just not assault women. Shouldn’t need saying and yet, here we are…

    I think the biggest thing we can do - happy to hear otherwise - is to just be outraged at every incident

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 7:40 PM

    And this is not to trivialise sexual assault on boys and men. And - here’s a thing: in this world of overwhelmingly male on female sexual assault, those who care about male on female sexual assault can find that they have no place to discuss what has happened to them

    And that’s not ok either

    However, our own trauma cannot ever be used or elevated to diminish the (massively) greater issue

    I only know 1 woman who - when discussing - has not been assaulted by a man

    That’s reality

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 7:44 PM

    So I don’t know the answers here for either female or male victims. And I really do want spaces for men to able to explore their - often childhood - sexual traumas. We do actually need these because we

    A) are almost completely incapable of talking about it; &

    B) don’t have spaces where it’s possible

    But whether that’s you or not fellas, when women talk about their experiences, just don’t be that reply guy

    Women’s lived experience is men diverting attention away. We must stop

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 7:59 PM

    So this is not so easy to write about now. But (particularly straight / CIS) fellas have no idea what it’s like to have that constant horrendous environment that women live with and if you don’t know about that or believe it then you have some work to do.

    If sexual assault is not in your personal history: be grateful and never, really never, feel free to question any woman ever when she talks about this subject

    Because her experience is real. Your ‘opinions’ are BS and offensive

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 8:05 PM

    And fellas who do have this is their history, so ok: it’s a bit tough coz now your experience seems lower than that of women.

    But it isn’t. But everything we discuss about our own histories (if we have any ability to do so 😃) sits in the context of every woman - every fucking woman - and her experience. So our constricted space is a problem. But maybe we can understand that? And maybe we can find spaces to be open (good luck!) that do not compromise women and their experiences?

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 8:06 PM

    I can’t write about this any more: but hey fellas - do NOT be that #NotAllMen reply guy. Just be quiet. For once.

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 8:18 PM

    @MiaMarkTwo thank you. I’m not eloquent. And it’s a big subject. And I know why men are reply guys. We are *trained to be* from birth. It’s fucking insane. But a very difficult subject…

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  • MiaK 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 🇵🇸MiaMarkTwo@syzito.xyz
    Sep 30, 2026, 8:23 PM

    @JimmyB As I've said elsewhere today, I rarely reply to posts on this subject and never when it's a man who's posted it - sometimes especially so when it's someone I otherwise enjoy chatting to. It's too exhausting to see the same old responses or the same framing over and over again, particularly "well this one woman once lied about it and the man got x punishment when he hadn't done anything".

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  • JimmyB (he/him)JimmyB@mas.to
    Sep 30, 2026, 8:31 PM

    @MiaMarkTwo of course. That stuff is so stale. We (fellas) all have a lot of work to do

    I so wish I could write about this better: sort of - blokes, if you’ve been there - we see you too. But this space is overwhelmed by blokes doing everything possible to divert attention from women, and the stats tell us that male on female is *THE* issue so almost every comment by blokes diverts from *THE* issue

    And if I say - blokes - we need a space to talk about our experiences…

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