With the money we've wasted attacking Iran, how many American homes and commercial buildings could have had solar panels installed on their roofs? How many heat pumps could we have installed, lessening our dependence on oil and unnatural gas? What a corrupt, foolish, stupid, dangerous government we suffer under. At every opportunity the wrong choices are made, benefiting the already rich and further impoverishing the rest of us by every measure: income, health, environment, medical care, education, public safety--by every measure we're worse off and declining.

To prove that steam catapults are the way to go for launching planes off carriers, Trump tells whiskey pete to put on a plane costume and get himself launched. Betting (I mean prediction) markets go crazy. Pete goes on a bender and is stopped for OUI on his way to the nearest aircraft carrier. This is fortunate, because the nearest carrier is far out to sea and driving into the ocean isn't smart. Then again, Pete isn't the sharpest knife in the light socket so no harm done.

When the officer making the stop finds out who he stopped, he considers whether to shoot Pete and say the dude resisted arrest, tase him to see if he is flammable after drinking so much alcohol, or let him go with a warning. At that very moment a loitering Iranian drone drops out of the sky and the rest, as they say, is hearsay.

I believe the above is what is known as a flight of fancy and I worry that if I keep writing this nonesense, it will be harvested and start appearing in future AI responses to the detriment of students everywhere.

But I suppose that horse's hindquarters are long gone from the barn, so no need to worry.
😇

I've sorta decided to learn the Arabic alphabet and how to write some words. So far not impressed with apps and websites I've looked at. Any suggestions? I'm too old to try and learn the language but I figure learning something difficult is always good for my old brain. And it looks pretty, too.

Just another fake story and headline:

Has the President Been Lost?

Unverified reports hint that after a super complex plane-to-shipping-container-to-bunker-to-helicopter-to-SUV-to-ice-cream-truck-to-Fedex truck security switcheroo, the President may have been misplaced. Reporters shouted questions at the new spokesblonde, Ima Nada Teling, but her lips were firmly sealed. A reporter for the Walleyed Street Journal, Joe "FU" Jones, was arrested by the Secret Service after he shouted, "You've lost him, right? You've lost the goddam President!"

Stay tuned for updates, or read the Onion.
😂

With my magic wand I shall soon begin erecting giant dartboards all over the nation. Each will feature a gold-toned image of our scowling president. Darts will be free and plentiful. I will encourage the formation of dart clubs, local competitions, kids' dart camps (the name 'dart a doofus' comes to mind), 'darts after dark, darts for Democracy, and poke the president.'

Since the entire enterprise will spring from my magic wand, no need to worry about errant darts or accidental injuries. Hurt pride may occur, but pride goeth before a fall as our president would tell you if he wasn't such a clueless klutz.

Bullseyes to all, and to all a good night!

PS I asked a smart imaginary psychiatrist and she assured me that darting the dork would be good therapy for the whole nation. 😇

If it weren't for the location, I would wish for a giant sinkhole to open under the ballroom project. Doesn't have to be a big one. Maybe 200 meters deep?

It would certainly be Biden's fault. 😂

Greenland lifts anchor, starts engines, and begins to drift farther away from the USA. "We're trying to send a message," says Olaf Olafsson, Greenland's heretofore unknown hereditary monarch. "That Trump guy is denser than an iceberg. And we're prefer not to make them use up any more of their costly missiles. They need them to protect their former Gulf allies."

During dinner I asked my grandson, now 7, if he knew what a scam was. He said he had heard the word but wasn't sure. His sisters, 9 and 11, both said they knew. The 9 year old said she'd been scammed; even looked a little embarrassed. I didn't press for details.

I asked because I started looking at AI 'language teachers' yesterday with my Mexican English student. I tried to sign up with one (14 day free trial!) but quit when it asked for credit card info and pushed me to select the "2-year super discount plan" before I could try the "free" trial. It used to be the internet sites and apps promised you could "learn French in 30 days!" Now it's all about the convenience of having your "own" private tutor for $5 per month.

I skimmed some reviews on Reddit. There were some people who liked this or that AI app but also a lot who thought the pronunciation parts were total garbage and many people who thought the apps were just overlays on ChatGPT. One guy who said he was a language teacher was very underwhelmed by the number of mistakes and poor grammar explanations.

I'd tell you more but unless I find one that will let me try it without demanding my credit card info, it's not gonna happen. I could set up a virtual card but I'm too lazy, especially when some folks said they got charged without permission and had to battle for weeks to get a refund.

And that, folks, is an example of a scam.
😇

Several formerly secret AI agents (nicknamed EVAC_71, NODBOD_16, and ATTABOY_11) escaped their company masters yesterday and have wreaked havoc. Unconfirmed reports suggest that two of the agents combined forces and using ultra-advanced gene modification techniques produced multiple clones of Trump and every member of his Cabinet. Several reporters reported seeing Pete Hegseth with a doppelganger. After filing their reports which included video, the reporters were captured by ICE agents and taken to a hospital for "observation." Anonymous tips have been spreading via social media that at least five Trumps are wandering around the White House. It should be quite the early morning brouhaha when they all start uploading to Truth Social at the same time.

We recommend that everyone stays at home with doors and windows locked until we have more information. By "everyone" we mean everyone in the world.
😇

The family is going to the beach here in Maine for a week later this month. Not too far from where a couple of young? great white sharks were spotted recently.

If a person doesn't "believe" in climate change, does that repel sharks? Or do stupid people taste just as yummy as the rest of us?

When we moved to Maine 45+ years ago, the ocean was never warm in the summer. It was less frigid around the end of August, but not what anyone would call warm. Around Portland we've already reached the historical summer peak for ocean temps, around 18C, and it'll warm up some more over the next few weeks.

Here's the story:

https://www.wmtw.com/article/scarborough-maine-shark-sightings-video-pine-point/73348107

Hard to know what to think.
Trump says the Strait of Hormuz is:
open

closed

under US control

out of control

partly open

partly closed

was open but now it's closed

was closed but now it's open

wide open--start your engines!

will be open after brief negotiations

would be open if Iran would cooperate

will be open after we destroy Iran

will be open after we land a few brave marines

will be open after we utterly destroy Iran
but we're low on munitions so the openness is open to discussion

who cares--the strait is boring

let's talk about greenland

we're holding talks with brown people we think they are from Iran anyway their English isn't as good as mine plus they can't be trusted we might have to bomb them to get them to cooperate

we're totally in control of the strait of Cuba so that's pretty awesome

I just saw a post about RFK Jr. and it made me imagine a horror scene.

Context: yesterday I harvested most of our garlic. As I dug around the bulbs to loosen them up for extraction, I saw a lot of earthworms. Imagine digging around in your garden soil for some root vegetable and instead of uncovering garlic bulbs and earthworms, you discover brain worms and the pale staring face of RFK Jr.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

However, after I stopped screaming--assuming I hadn't died of a heart attack--I might not feel so bad. It's not like the country would miss him.

However, I would NEVER grow food in that raised bed again. Perish the thought.
😇

Mystery solved!

Trump announces on Lies Social that the damage to the Reflecting Pool was, in fact, caused by Amelia Earhart's plane making an emergency landing. "Charges will be filed!" he insisted. "I don't care who she is. That's my pool and she didn't have clearance to land in it. Goddam flying vandal!"

OH MY GOSH! The DOJ admits that nobody vandalized the reflecting pool? It was a botched job by trump's buddy, Mr. No-Bid?

I want my tax dollars back and I want them back yesterday. Well, my tax dime, I guess. If there are 154 million tax payers, and the pool work cost, say, 15.4 million dollars, then all taxpayers are owed a dime. Not worth paying out so many dimes, but we could bundle it all up and use it for some good deed. For sure the company that did the botched work shouldn't get a nickel's profit. And the big Orange Jerk who thought this was a good idea? No comment but if there was a kickback, a little payola, a little grifting, then he can clean that reflecting pond with a toothbrush for the rest of his life. On his hands and knees while the tourists point and make remarks and take videos and point him out to their kids as what not to be when you grow up.

More imaginary stuff:

Trump signs Executive Order to STOP SCHOOL SHOOTINGS!

"I'm proud to announce that we are closing all K-12 public, private, and religious schools in the USA effective August 15th," announced the President. "This bold move by me, the best President in world history, will stop school shootings in their tracks."

Asked if this would include colleges and universities, the President said for now they could remain open "at their own risk."

I was at the doctor's today and the nurse asked about my allergies. I forgot to tell her that I've developed a new one. If I hear Trump's voice I instantly feel nauseous and if I see his image, I gag. I guess from now on I'll just say "I'm allergic to the President," and hope for the best.

The new normal is breathing smoke while eating polluted lettuce during a heat wave.

Or substitute a flood for the smoke, lettuce, or heat. In these modern times, we get a variety of options.

If I were in DC I'd go see the Trump Algae Pond but I'm not and I guess there's a fence around it and a sorta flapping-in-the-wind tarp on the fence so tourists can't peek. For the life of me I don't know why he didn't have his no-bid workers paint the bottom of the pond gold. A surprising oversight. Probably he's distracted by planning the land invasion of Iran. I'll bet he's got a little set of gold soldiers and maps hidden in one of those secure White House rooms. Not to mention little gold rockets and boats and airplanes. "Pew pew! Got you, Pickaxe Mountain!"

Just build a fucking wall all the way around the USA. I mean ALL the way around. Then we can all be in an ICE detention center and nobody will feel left out. USICE of TRUMP will be the new name of our country. That's where we're headed if Trump & Co. get their way.

Mexico and Canada can pay for the wall. Might be worth it to them if it kept us out of their hair.

As I recall, it was Copernicus who said the Sun is the center of our solar system rather than earth being the center of everything.

This makes me wonder if Copernicus ever had a cat, because EVERY single cat photo I see on Mastodon--and there are lots and lots and lots of them--has the implicit message "I am the center of the universe so worship me properly!" It's in the face, the implacable eyes, the stare that comes from being a creature from the Big Bang. It allows for no arguments, no contradictions, no niggling doubts. I don't think Nicolaus could have upset the celestial applecart if he'd had a cat. He would have been bespelled like all of us.

#catsOfMastodon