Spotify, it's not me, it's you. You kept deleting my music, losing my queue, and acting like playing a song offline was a NASA-level engineering challenge. I gave you years of my life, premium money, and more second chances than a toxic ex with a Spotify Wrapped addiction. But I've found someone who actually plays what I ask her to play, remembers my music, and doesn't need Wi-Fi to remember who I am. Her name is Apple Music, and she plays lossless. We're getting married. You're not invited. Don't text me, don't playlist me, and for the love of God, don't recommend me some AI-generated bullshit about healing my inner child. We're DONE. 💀