You know the best way to tell that gendered behaviour is deeply ingrained, inescapable, unconscious and all-consuming?

Colours.

You will find very, very few men who will use words like "maroon" and "chartreuse" and "amaranth" and so on.

And most of these will be queer men.

But that's not all!

Men will say almost reflexively, even if they're not shitty about it, that they don't know all these words and what they mean.

Now think about it for a second.

Are women born knowing what "ochre" or "turquoise" means?

Are little girls of five aware that "azure" is a kind of blue?

No.

I've seen claims that women have a keener eye for colours. It may or may not be true. I do think perception is different for men and women, maybe. I've talked before about how both touch and smell are things I experience differently on HRT. Vastly different.

But you can't explain all that so easily. The xkcd guy did a survey on colors, and color perception is actually very similar between at least chromosomal sexes.

Then why do men not use words like "apricot" or "lilac" that often?

Now, women don't necessarily do that often, either (see the survey by xkcd guy). But it's a thing that happens.

Well, two reasons.

One, women need those color names more often in two very feminine coded situations. Because you need to be specific when talking about clothes and make-up. Men's clothes are notoriously drab compared to women's clothes. And women use make-up an order of magnitude more often than men, at least.

Reason two is... I think the clue is in that exasperated "I don't know those colors" that men utter.

There is almost indignation in that. Women also often don't go for such flowery language, either! But there's not this anger at the presumption that they'd know (unless they're butch lesbians I guess? I don't know).

Men do not feel they are *supposed* to know these things. And that's gendered behaviour. But, other than some toxic dudebros, men will not state that this is so gendered.

That's the insidiousness of gender roles. They're so deep in people's heads they don't even think of them as roles, or gendered.

That's the same reason men are "assertive" and women are "bitchy". That's why men are "bold" and women are "pushy". Men are "dominant" and women are "overbearing".

It's stuck in your head, and it has been since you were a little kid. Same way it's stuck in your head who is supposed to know what the heck "chartreuse" means.

That's why it's important to challenge these things. Because the chartreuse question doesn't matter. But it grows out of the same stem as the gender pay gap.