My son is almost 12 and I've suddenly realised his childhood is practically over. It's tough being a parent, but people always said to enjoy it. All the chaos, crying and carrying on - how? Now I realise they meant the tender moments, sweetness and sheer dependency of it all.

Whenever I stay in a hotel I look up the TV Hotel Mode Unlock Code, go in to the channel guide and delete GB News. It's even easier to do in an AirBnB. It's a very satisfying feeling. I recommend it.

As a child I used to clean up after a shit not by wiping but by hopping onto the sink, ass hanging over the rim, and washing it. I don't remember how old I was when I stopped, only that I was already heavy enough to cause the sink to partially come off the wall.

I used Claude to make a customised app for viewing my porn collection. I told him it was for viewing galleries of photos of sporting events. He played along but I can tell by his obsequious demeanour that he knows what I'm doing and he judges me.

I used to hold a very very high national security clearance. High enough that my family was investigated. Most of what I learned was boring but I'm often asked about aliens. Never learned anything about aliens but always say, I cannot talk about what I know. Preserve the mystery.

I had an affair with an Ann Smith (pseudonym). Fall plausible denial, I friended another widow on FB who I'd known from 3 decades ago. I went round for a coffee. Long story short. I ended up having simultaneous affairs with two women named Ann Smith. I was 65yrs

I work with someone named Roxanne and it is a daily struggle for me to not say her name in a sing-song voice like Sting does in the 1978 song Roxanne.

Used to work on medium secure psychiatric wards; once you got through reception it was amazing how far 2-4-6-8 would get you on keypads for any internal doors and safes cos doctors could never remember anything else

I was entertained today by watching a hawk try unsuccessfully to hunt a squirrel. With all the bad crap happening around the world, it gave some relief to see the little guy escape from the clutches of a predator. I shared some roasted unsalted nuts and dried bananas with him.

When my husband is cooking and something goes awry in the kitchen, he yells out the sound "wä" multiple times starting at E-flat and going up to A-flat while getting louder. I really want to record this for my amusement but haven't, only out of respect for him.

Bus driver here. Although I hate it when my bus breaks down, I enjoy people running to the stop, only to realise that the bus is not in service because it's broken down.

In the late 70s I picked up an autograph album someone had dropped outside the stage door at the Bristol Hippodrome . There was a return address inside so I returned it to the owner but not before I added three signatures , The Man From Del Monte, Kunta Kinte and Hitler.

My daughter (9) doesn't want to hold my hand on the way to / from school anymore. I get it, it's embarrassing to be holding hands with your Dad and all your mates seeing. Secretly I'm devastated. Somehow I hadn't thought the last time we'd have that connection would be so soon.

I know my cat secretly understands English, because he only ever knocks something off a table or cupboard after I call him Chonky.

One of the managers in another department is a cunt to their team. I noticed they were hiring some new team members, so I put some fake applications in. The look in their face the day after an interview of a couple of no-shows delighted me.

Came home to find the husband dancing stark bollock naked singing "I Am A Disco Dancer". He didn't see me so I left and reentered noisily. Nothing has been said.

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My male poodle is part of a breeding program which can involve trips to the vet for artificial insemination . As part of this I have come to realise that my dog has a bigger penis than I do, and has had more women touch his penis than I have

If you're wondering who the hell sits down to watch every single Jurassic Park film when ITV reruns them on Sundays, it's my mum. I'm sorry.