“top” and “bottom” are terms used within the lgbtqia+ community to denote who receives which half of the bagel during gay brunch

Your password must contain two characters who talk to each other about something other than a man

*taking someone back to my place after a date* yeah i like topping. whipped cream, hollandaise, chocolate sprinkles, it’s all pretty good

they came over first because they missed me, but second because I'm being very overthinky about a person I have started talking to and they were like "I'm coming over, let's bake brownies and talk about BOYS" bwahahahahaha

they're such a sweetheart 🖤

(we didn't make brownies--there wasn't really enough time until I had to go to bed. but it was still a really lovely evening)

they are sleeping and I am rotating the dishwasher and making tea :)

it's so nice, having them here 🥺

"I dream of never being called resilient again. I'm exhausted by strength" 💖

🎨 Lainey Molnar

AH SURPRISE UNPLANNED PARTNER VISIT IS HAPPENING...!!!!

holy shit being not-long-distance *ROCKS*

today is kind of a perfect storm of things that make me really want to do this self-destructive thing but I'm not! I'm not doing it! I am being very good instead.

“Just stay home” is not a public health strategy.

Non disabled people were livid during stay at home orders. They found the idea of being forced to stay home unpalatable, yet they’re only too happy to demand the disabled do it for the rest of our lives.

Clean air & masking make spaces accessible.

Can't be overstated how fucked up it is that Black folk came up with a word to express people being aware of the oppression of other people and it's now targeted by far right governments globally as something evil that must be destroyed

huh

I wonder if I'm super fucking dysregulated from not being able to work out and from playing guitar being a thing that induces pain

...this would make a lot of sense, tbh. I feel so bad and off and incapable and I'm not totally sure why. I've temporarily lost most of my coping mechanisms, though; that'd probably do it!

I signed up to write some words at work for pride month and I'm not actually sure what I'm going to write about. I'm thinking of theming it as "trans joy throughout the ages." A little bit "we have always been here," but with a focus on trans people being happy and/or living their lives, not just tragedy.

I keep thinking about Dora Richter, and how she was reported to have been murdered by Nazis, but in reality she escaped and lived to be 74 years old. I don't want to talk about trans suffering; I want to talk about Dora.

I am so tired of reminding “otherwise progressive” people that making fun of evil people for being disabled in some way is actually some fascist bullshit.

I fucked up my repo so bad

"UK minister asks Big Tech to help create ‘prison outside prison’ for criminals" https://archive.ph/dJvNH#selection-1584.0-1584.1
- UK minister making it unintentionally clear that big tech is already carceral by making it impossible for any of us to satisfy our needs without surveillance & control

I don't want to be specific about what it is, BUT. I was doing a thing for a while there that was pretty self-destructive, and I was doing it pretty regularly, and during my long weekend off I successfully broke that habit and I haven't done it since!

It hasn't been that long since my break lol...I can't really know for certain yet if the change *stuck* or not. But I feel really good about it so far :)

Many people know what RSD is, even ones that do not suffer from it. But I wonder how many know how it FEELS.

RSD is a nightmare because even when I know people respect and like me and want me around, I still need, I *crave* that validation. I need it. But I do not want to take it.

The absurd thing is that:

1) If I talk to someone, I'm being annoying, a pest, a drain on their energy. If they indulge me, it's because they are kind people. So now I am wasting time of a KIND person, which makes me even worse.
2) If I do not talk to someone, I am doing the right thing. Leaving them space, not poisoning their day with my presence. I am lonely but it's necessary. Because I show I care not by giving more, just by demanding less and less. Yes, I know that is invisible. I know it doesn't build bonds, by definition it creates isolation. But that way I am the person that suffers, because nobody needs me. And me suffering is more OK.

But on the other hand:

1) If someone talks to me unprompted, they are doing it out of obligation, but I am also so happy and so grateful. They reach out because I am pathetic and they are kind. They are doing me an unwarranted favour.
2) If they do not talk to me, which they usually don't, that means they hate me or they hold me in contempt or they just do not need me in their lives.

And yes, the absurd disjoint between what it means when I don't talk to a person, and what it means when they do not talk to me, it's irrational. I treat me NOT talking to people as the right thing, and them TALKING to me as the same. It's nonsensical. I know that rationally.

But y'see, you fail to consider that other people are fun, and nice, and smart, and most people are just, pleasant to hang around with.

I am a waste of space and I need to justify my presence in a person's life, in a place, in a conversation, on Earth.

It doesn't matter how many times I try to tell myself that this makes no sense. It's the ONLY thing that makes sense.

Believe me, I am keenly aware of exactly what in my life conditioned me to feel this way. And yet I can't shake it. At all.

#rsd #mentalhealth #trauma

you know, this might actually be my longest relationship since I was married 🤔

Not a surprise tbh. Now that I have experienced having a partner who loves me, it is *extremely obvious* that my previous partners were not that into me... 😅 😂 No wonder they didn't last!

in other news I played guitar and I wrote a song and my arm really hurts about it lmfao but it was good for my heart.

and Ja and I talked about album order for a bit. they're so great. I might get to see them tomorrow 🥺

...my arm really does hurt though, oof. Glad I know it's not broken; wish I knew if the thing to do was to stretch it or to rest it, bah.

...I might hate it tbh 😂

I don't think I want to sleep in a collar.

I thought it would make me feel like a handsome lad, a sailor boy or something, but it Does Not 😂

...I'm prolly gonna swap it out for a tank before I go to sleep (matching shorts be damned)