I am not a man
Who believes in lies
I'm an octopus
With big xray eyes

The important subjects: Reading, Writing, and the Eurethmics.

Abbot and Costello meet the Matrix

Trimmed my ear hair for my audiologist appointment this morning. Feeling sexy.

Hey cell phone sales/service people. Please turn on the data service for your senior customers on their new phones so that their family doesn't freak out on a mother's day when they can't reach them because they've left their house and out of reach of their home wifi. Family actually called the police to do a welfare check literally five minutes before she pulled up to the meeting place.

The only thing that'll stop a bad guy with a gun is a golden ballroom.

"I just don't know what to draw first."
"Start with the gesture, then the essence, then the breasts."

I Really Should Have Thought That Through: An Autobiography

Does anybody ever really know what time it is...

Just read one of those lists of '100 things to do before you die'. I'm surprised "yell for help" wasn't one of them.

Don't forget to eat your clocks this weekend. Completing the Sisyphusian cycle of how time consumes us.

Tuesday? Oh, no thanks. I still have some Monday left.

Hot Pockets recalled because of bad beef? Who knew they put actual beef in these things? I thought it was just stuff they found in their pockets.

Sometimes when I pass by a stranger I like to whisper "I was just thinking the exact same thing."

How does Time Warner not make alarm clocks?

How hot do you think Freud's mom was?

Imagine how excited barn owls were when humans finally invented barns.

They should have called it "Babe 2: Sequel like a Pig"

WHAT DO WE WANT?

TO BE MORE ASSERTIVE!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

WHENEVER IS CONVENIENT FOR YOU, NO RUSH.

Imagining Betty White and Meat Loaf singing a duet of Hot Patootie.