When you doctor tells you are legally obliged to leave contact information to everyone you slept with for six months right after hot girl summer

When Ghislain is pardoned she can always get a job as the face of Hostess’ Twinksies

No no no no no
No no no no no no no
No no no no no

#haiku appreciation day

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞

We have detected unusual activity on your Mastodon account. Are you ok? Do you need to talk? Don’t push it down whatever it is. Ok?

European voters watching the US collapse from a fascist failed leadership in real time:

I can believe it’s margarine. Do you have any butter?

Seize the day. Put it in the interrogation tank. Break its spirit. Make it disappear.

The other day I asked chatgpt what was likely to happen with my investments when chonky attacked Iran any day now. It started arguing that there was nothing to say that this was inevitable except conspiratorial thinking bla bla bla. And you can’t even say told you so to a stochastic parrot.

Hello, I’m Kierkegaanks of Mastodon, and I’ll be explaining your jokes to you tonight

Kirk: Mr Spock, can you identify that metal?

Spock: Captain, my scans identified it as Raining Blood

Mastodon, apply directly to the forehead
Mastodon, apply directly to the forehead
Mastodon, apply directly to the forehead
Mastodon, apply directly to the forehead

Please support my fundraiser for people suffering from bird blindness

Simone de Beauvoir at a café in Paris listening to Jean-Paul going on and on about the problem with the bourgeoisie and how his working class experience could really help the hot girls in her classes