"Take me to your leader."
- Do you have an appointment? Please submit a written request no less than three weeks in advance.
"I come from another planet."
- Where is your visa? You may not enter this country without a valid visa.
"I bring untold wealth from the stars!"
- All monetary amounts greater in value than $10,000 in value must be declared.
"Goodbye puny Earthlings!"
Come back next week for the next exciting instalment of
THE BUREAUCRAT
When you reside on one of Earth's larger landmasses, you are incontinent.
MARIJUANA KOALA
Australian low budget sequel to Cocaine Bear.
A koala eats the produce from a secret marijuana plantation hidden in the bush.
Action: None.
Tagline: It's got the munchies. You're its lunchies.
Fukuyama might be my favourite Shinkansen station. We stayed here a few years ago.
Proposing that a "Trump" becomes the official measure of a "Fuck all".
It's unsurprising people didn't pay this any attention. It was a boring crime.
I was just in the back of my Brissy house when the flying saucer landed. A spindly alien emerged.
"Our society is sick, but we believe your planet may have the answer. Take me to your healer."
"Oh, you want to go the hospital? We have healers there. We call them doctors," I reply.
"Yes."
So we get in me ute and drive to the hospital. We're in the emergency waiting room when the alien spots a kid.
"The Healer!"
I see the kid's t-shirt.
It's Bluey.
"Can you hear me?"
"I can't see anything? Are you sure video is on?"
"My screen's frozen!"
"It's working for me."
"Please raise your hand if you want to talk."
"You go first. Sorry, okay, I'll go. No, go ahead."
I'm hungry. The meeting started at lunch time. It's after 5pm already. No wait. Did it really start then? Feels like I've been in this Teams call forever...
"You okay? I hear screaming. Can you mute?"
"Sorry," says Satan, "I'm just getting the hang of Remote Hell."
@liamvhogan @ThermiteBeGiants @thewetmale Cool, now we can get back to the real question: What football code should they play on the moon?
The word "excellent" is derived from the Christian practice of giving up the use of Microsoft Excel for 40 days to commemorate Christ's sacrifice.
It is a period of great productivity.
The date of lent is calculated by using an obscure Excel macro on a field that didn't originally have anything to do with dates, but Excel converted it to one anyway.
Have you ever wondered why the train seats have such complex patterns?
They don't start out like this. Out of the factory, the seats are plain.
With repeated use a fractal pattern develops on the fabric, becoming more and more detailed.
It's not dirt and grime, but the stains of the souls of the passengers who sit on them. Every day they lose a little more of their soul on the commute, until nothing is left but the empty shell of a salaryman.
Old trains have such character.
#microfiction
The billionaire opened his eyes. How had he survived that Learjet crash?
Oh wait, he hadn't.
He looked around. The forest glade was beautiful! Laughter and happy chatter filled the air. Everyone looked contented.
"I'm in Heaven!" he smiled.
A harsh guffaw sounded beside him.
"You have no power over this land and its people, for all eternity."
The billionaire screamed.
"I'm in Hell!"
