Naked attraction gives straight women & gay men unrealistic expectations: every single man they have on the show has, at the least, a very large penis.

Issuing oil drilling licences + blaming wildfires on disposable barbecues = not really taking this seriously.

The UK can now make excellent cup of coffee. America still can't make a cup of tea. Lazy shits.

No motorcyclists, loud pipes don't save lives. You're confusing them with sticking to the fucking speed limit.

You know you're old when someone wakes you up from a perfectly good nap because they think you might be dead.

Is there anything more awkward than getting a Father's Day card from your girlfriend's kid who isn't yours?

Say what you want about Starbucks, but it's great to have a reliable place for a shit and some Wi-Fi.

Old people are much younger than you realise. They're all the age of Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney now

Lemon curry is actually rather nice. Thanks Monty Python for the dinner suggestion.

Pokémon is a much more enjoyable game if you forget about trying to catch 'em all

Anyone younger than Gen X has a terrible signature becuase they never have had to sign anything

It's time for the re-denomonation of Sterling. 1 new pound = 1000 old pounds. Yes, inflation will still exist, but it will have to happen one day to keep the numbers sensible.

Show me someone who has 4 or more spoonfulls of sugar in a cup of tea, and I'll show you someone that was mollycoddled by an overbearing mother.

The superior bit of "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac is the bit before the Formula One riff. The harmonies and musicianship are just wonderful. People obsessed with the five note bass riff at the end just don't get it.

Watching "How to Get to Heaven from Belfast" on Netflix you forget how good some of the late-90s and early 00s British pop music was. You also realise how, of all the manufactured boy and girl bands of that era, Girls Aloud shit on everyone else from a great height.

The perfect band for Eurovision has been staring us in the face for 40 years. Why had nobody asked Half Man Half Biscuit to do it?

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Nobody has ever listened the Demo version of a band's already released song more than twice.

Trying to become famous, at any cost and for any reason, is a sign of mental illness.

If your first thought when you hear about a serious crime, like a murder or a rape, is 'what nationality was the offender' then don't pretend you're bothered about the victim.