So as I've mentioned before, last autumn I planted three acorns, and two of those acorns grew into little oak trees.

But, as I've also mentioned, I planted them inside. So they were very confused about seasons. They grew in the winter and then just sort of... stopped. They never lost their leaves, but they stopped growing.

So I moved their pot to the balcony in spring. Because I'd read that temperate zone trees will eventually die if they are not grown in a proper environment with four seasons. They're just not equipped for that.

They were still in that weird limbo. Their leaves are a bit dried out at the edges, but still haven't fallen off, and clearly the plants weren't DEAD, but they were stuck.

I'm happy to report they've decided to give it another go. Small but robust bunches of leaves are growing near their tops, and I expect now that they are subjected to the normal rays of sun and will experience summer, autumn and then winter as normal (with minimal protection because obviously their roots aren't very deep in a small pot so they wouldn't survive harsher nights mid-winter), they will grow as Mokosz intended.

I also put nitrogen fertilizer sticks in all my houseplants and outside plants alike. Won't hurt and may help.

#plantstodon #gardening

TIL that Mozart had a sister who was also a child prodigy but whose music career ended at 17 because it was understood that she was supposed to get married rather than continue performing. She was described as one of the greatest piano players in Europe when she was a kid.

The fact that I didn't even know of her existence until today kinda says it all, doesn't it.

So a woman liked my comment on FetLife, so I checked her profile out. As one does.

And she seemed interesting! So I kept reading her profile. And I was like OK, I am compatible with this, I can definitely work with this, I am *super* compatible with this...

...until I came upon the part where she writes that she seeks someone who doesn't have any mental illnesses, especially personality disorders.

And I'm super torn.

On the one hand, I get it? Mental illness is EXHAUSTING for people around the mentally ill person. And a person may decide they are not up for that.

But on the other hand, seems kind of ableist? Like, imagine someone says "I will not date a person who's not fully able-bodied".

I genuinely can't decide if I like that person's honesty (for one thing, I am definitely not messaging her on account of having an impressive array of mental problems), or am kind of pissed off at her stigmatising mental illness.

I am open to Fedi's thoughts on this, one way or the other.

And importantly, that even happens when I don't have a wig on.

Which is not really practically important because I always do outside my place. Duh.

But like... the face doesn't need any extra cues of femininity to read as feminine to myself.

And I kind of think it will get even better in the next year or two?

My face is getting so feminine. I, like, look like old me. I'm recognisable as the same person as pre-transition me.

But also... I look like that person's sister, not like that person. Y'know?

What I'm saying is, if:

* you're a young straight man and therefore your potential partners are basically all straight/bi/pan and single women up until, oh I don't know, their early to mid thirties;
* I'm a trans lesbian who doesn't pass who's pushing 40 and therefore my potential partners are only queer women and enbies from their late twenties until late fifties who are single or polyamorous AND they're not transphobic AND they don't have a strong preference for vaginas on women AND they're OK with lesbian sex being... complicated for someone with my body AND they're OK with the fact that I'm married and open about it;
* I still pull more than you;

then maybe the problem is you? Like, I don't wanna say "skill issue", but you're playing dating and hookups on easy mode and I'm very much not.

Maybe women just see that I appreciate them and make sure not to hurt them whatever ends up happening, while you... don't.

Yes I'm bragging. I've earned it. Incels haven't, they're the definition of someone who hasn't.

Now I kinda low key wanna create a more sophisticated model that is based on presumed average polycule size and all sorts of other things.

But I'm definitely not doing that without some programming xD

Like, let's create a simple model based on what I think are decently realistic assumptions.

Let's say we have 1000 people, and let's assume they're all monoamorous and also let's ignore sexual orientation to simplify the model.

There's a lot of single people but relationships tend to last a while and end at unpredictable times, and it's kind of a faux pas to move in on a person who's recently become single.

So let's optimistically say that only half of all people are currently in relationships. That leaves about 500.

And assuming you're straight, as lonely men (oh no! Look out, it's the Male Loneliness Epidemic!) often are, you're left with about 250. Let's say up to a fifth are too old or too young for you, not looking or not available or looking for something entirely incompatible with what you need and want, or just very much not into you.

You're left with 200 dating prospects out of 1000. I think that's a very optimistic number. And you have a lot of competition for anyone. Potentially up to 250, every other person of your gender that's also single.

Now let's assume only 20% of all people are open to polyamory, with the same parametres otherwise. Let's assume you are, as well.

Out of the 800 monoamorous people in that group, assuming still about half are currently in relationships, that's 400 people or so. The remaining 400 undergo the same winnowing down as before. You're left with 160 dating prospects from that group, and you have more competition, sure, but it's not by THAT much. Out of the mono-only people that's 200, and let's be pessimistic and say every single poly-friendly person regardless of their relationship status is looking, so that's 100 more. So you're competing against 300 people as opposed to 250.

But here's the thing. A lot of existing polycules will not be polysaturated. And they will branch out and grow, polycules often overlap, they're not closed off groups where everyone is in mutual relationships with everyone else. It's hard to polysaturate a group of 200 people completely.

Let's say (and I think I'm lowballing the number a lot, for several reasons) that out of the 80 or so people who are compatible with you in terms of age and needs, only about 30 are looking or open to a relationship.

So if monoamorous only, you have 200 potential partners and compete tooth-and-nail against about 250 people. And that's the best case scenario.

And if we introduce polyamory as something unusual but decently present, you have 190 potential partners and you're strictly competing against 200 only, with 100 more not really any big risk of "stealing" any potential partner away from you. And that's the worst case scenario.

And also, polycules change dynamically and every person who becomes available for dating or sex isn't immediately a potential target for the affection of literally every person who's single, which does happen in mononormative groups.

It amuses me to no end that incels and other misogynist men use the argument that polyamory is "greedy" and such.

Ignoring the fact that it's just another way to force a status quo where some women will have to forcibly lower their standards (just like heteronormativity and honestly a lot of other bigotries), it's just...

Uh. It's just not true?

More prevalent polyamory makes it mathematically easier to find partners. A person isn't removed from the dating pool or whatever it is that you seek. Like, I do not think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread, but I'm clearly an attractive enough woman. And I'm out there. If someone is into me, I'm still here. When my marriage was closed, I wasn't.

And like... when a person gets into a relationship, even if that relationship doesn't end up lasting, they remove themselves AND they hit pause on looking or even being open to new experiences and people.

And that's not a bad thing! That's fine. That's the cultural norm but some people really inhabit the norm comfortably. Same way people inhabit, say, heterosexuality or marriage comfortably.

But other options existing doesn't make it any more difficult to find who you're looking for. If anything, you're removing people who are not cut out for monoamorous life and who might get antsy, be ill at ease, and break things off with you, because they're just not wired for what you want.

So more freedom means more relationships *and* better relationships for everyone.

*puts fingers to its earpiece*

Oh. They don't actually want more options. They want to reduce women's options so that they can coerce them into being subservient to them.

What a shocking twist.

| used to be pretty active on Reddit.

I haven't used Reddit for anything other than maybe finding answers to my questions in about two years.

Around two years ago as well, I wrote on a Polish subreddit for meeting other LGBT+ people that I'm a married transbian, I'd love to meet new people, it can be sexual or platonic, yadda yadda.

I have since forgotten about the post, which is sitting at a net +8 upvotes. For obvious reasons, I don't care, partners and friends have come and gone since then. And I barely remember Reddit exists these days, thank Mokosz.

Again - my post mentions I'm a lesbian, I am married to a woman, and that I am polyamorous. Keep that in mind.

Anyway.

Here's a comment from an account that was created two days ago and currently has three comments total, from what the profile description claims is a man of 47. Translated from Polish by yours truly, but otherwise presented without comment because I think it speaks for itself:

=====
Warm hello to you, Madam. As I've noticed, I'm just the second person to respond to your post. To be honest, that's no surprise. Look at this from an outsider's perspective: nobody is seeking contact with someone who openly admits they're in a relationship. What do you hope for when you write posts like this? Temporary consolation from strangers? Many people here are looking for real connections, not an escape from their problems. If your marriage is struggling, seeking attention online is not going to fix anything. The best solution is an honest conversation with your husband - that's the source of the problem and that's where you should seek the answers.
=====

Again, this is a two-year-old post from my account that hasn't posted anything in many months and hasn't been active in years.

Finding the answer as to why I do not go on Reddit anymore is an exercise left to the reader.

And like, how many major characters are there in ANY fiction that are explicitly gay and over the age of 50?

Note I said major characters. Not shoved-in tokens.

Kopp is arguably the second most important protagonist of the series.

I bitch about the queerbaity nature of the character Klementyna Kopp (yeah, that surname is not exactly subtle xD ), but she's honestly pretty great queer representation.

She wears heavy boots and a military jacket instead of a uniform even before she is fired as a cop, she is described as talking so fast she can barely be comprehended, she has a shaved head, tattoos erverywhere including one she rubs for luck at the beginning of every case, she subsists mostly on Coca-Cola, she drives a cheap car she describes as "old but reliable - just like me", she gives no fucks about anyone and the only thing she cares about when she's solving a case is bringing the murderer to justice, internal politics and orders from superiors be damned.

I mean, it's no wonder she gets fired, that's the most realistic part of the book.

But she is supremely cool.

...maybe the author IS a queer woman =D

Granted, the lesbian doesn't lesbian much on the page and it's mostly her Tragic Backstory (I strongly doubt the author is a lesbian or otherwise queer, but who can tell), but she's still by far the coolest character in the series.

No wonder she got a spin-off.

Went to the library, dropped off two books and picked up four more. A Scandinavian crime thriller; two murder mysteries by my favourite Polish crime author - one standalone story with supernatural elements and the first book of a spinoff of a long running series about small town cops. The spinoff is about an elderly lesbian who got kicked out of the force a few books back tho, so it's probably gonna be considerably cooler.

And the last book is an overview of mythology concerning mermaids, rusałkas, ondyny and other supernatural ladies from Polish folklore. Should be fun!

#books #bookstodon #fedicoven

Back from a week in the Slovakian mountains.

It was wonderful, a great time was had in great company (I went with my wife and my parents).

But I did look like shit much of the time.

So here's a celebration of how I look when I've bathed, shaved, and dressed for looks rather than practicality <3

This is a selfie I just took.

Like, yesterday evening was one of the times I took 200 mg ( I take either 100 mg or 200 mg depending on where in the "cycle" I am. I boof if that's relevant).

I had three distinct dreams last night that I remembered very clearly when I was waking up from each.

I'm... pretty sure that is a lifetime first.

I use Prog but only for part of each of my monthly "cycle".

And I'm pretty sure I get much more vivid dreams when I'm using it, especially a larger dose?

Is that a thing?

The football thing with Trump has no importance, but it's the perfect scale model of his brand of fascist idiocy.

It's something the USA cares very little about, it was not worth it, but Trump pushed for anyway, pissed off a lot of the world and did horrid PR for himself and America (Europe and South America cares about football a LOT, in case my American friends don't know), and lost anyway.

As always, Trump fancies himself a lion but is actually a senile baboon. If that.

I'm out of the country so no weights this week. I did get quite a workout for my legs this week anyway because I've been doing mountain hiking ^_^

For those unaware, the anime One Piece has the main character talk about his ship's crew a lot. And he's super loyal to the crew. It's his thing. It's heartwarming and cool and the reason many people love One Piece.

And the word that he uses in the original Japanese is "nakama". I don't speak Japanese, but it's my understanding that in this particular context it means "crew". As in, ship's crew.

The authors of one fansub claimed that the word is untranslatable and it refers to a special kind of bond that is very culturally specific to Japan etc. etc.

(let's ignore that the manga/anime is inspired by the Golden Age of Piracy and not anything in Japanese culture)

So TvTropes named a fiction trope "nakama" and insisted for years that this refers to a special kind of bond. Undying loyalty. Something that makes close friendship or closest family bonds look like dogshit.

Then the wiki tried to shoehorn that idea into every piece of fiction when there's a group of protagonists who are loyal to each other. And as you can probably tell, there's a lot of those throughout history of fiction all over the planet.

TvTropes, in typical TvTropes fashion, was immune to anyone saying "nakama" meant anything other than that. Took them years and years to change their stance. Which they now kinda acknowledge in the trope which is nowadays much more reasonably titled "Band of Brothers" or something.

And now, if you didn't know, you possess the cursed knowledge.