the Girl Cat scared the crap out of me. she was stretched out on my lap chilling and she started having these rhythmic chest spasms. they didn’t seem to be bothering her but they were really strong and shook her whole body. so I was frantically googling symptoms when the spasms just stopped and it occurred to me:
the bloody cat had hiccups.
Happy April seventh
-Excel
New bookstore romance categories just dropped.
In the beginning was the word.
It was all downhill after that.
Working in London, got very drunk, woke up to 20 missed calls. Called home. I'd text "Help" to my boyfriend. So, 400 miles away, he'd called the police. The Met found me in my hotel, fully clothed, drunk as a lord, but safe. "hello" autocorrects to "help" if you miss one L
Huge Independence Day celebrations here in the UK as we now appreciate the benefits of certain colonies fucking right off
why do we call dead people ‘late’? bruh, they’re going to be more than late, you can put them down as a no-show
Happy Birthday, Canada's underpants.
In the Duke’s chamber there being a Roman story in the hangings, and upon the standards written S.P.Q.R., Sir G. Carteret came to me to know the meaning; which ignorance is not to be borne in a Privy Counsellor, methinks, that a schoolboy should be whipt for not knowing.
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Me: Good news, please.
Doctor: We're naming a disease after you.
A story for gardeners to start us off this weekend:
Many years ago on the British radio staple, Gardeners Question Time, one of the guests was a rich landed estate owner (and aristocrat).
From the audience came the Q.: what would you recommend planting in a small garden... the answer:
'Even in the smallest garden one should endeavour to have at least an acre of woodland'.
And there you have it: the rich have little idea about the lives of the rest of us.
Matin / Morning 👋 🐈️
Imagine being Taylor Swift and having to use a publicist when you brush your hair or whatever. Legions of fans rioting and smashing up a neighbourhood because you once guessed the name of the place in a pub quiz. I don't deny she's talented. I just don't understand the hysteria. It's like people's madness is all channeled into the wrong thing. Or maybe that's the point. She is the Great Distraction. Your life is terrible? Look at her. Give her all of your madness. She's so relatable! Try and get some of her hair!
Continuing with Norwegian church theme. A quick stop in Borgund. #Norway
Threat from above.
Consider yourselves Observed™️
It's simple, really. Don't put living people on a pedestal. Don't put dead people on them either, they'll go off quite quickly. If you must have a statue of a dead person, don't rush into it.
Rebel Rebel, your hair is quite nice!
Rebel Rebel, do you like my mice?
Rebel Rebel, do you like them please?
Hot tramp! They love dem cheese!
I keep having this dream where I live in an incredibly stupid dystopia, and I can’t wake up