I BET HE TURNS INTO A GIANT SANDSTORM HEAD LIKE IMHOTEP FROM THE MUMMY.

@LRRRonEarth following @IsMitchMcConnellDeadYet for updates

I MEAN, I'M EVIL, BUT HE IS (WAS?🤞) *EVIL*

STOP TEASING ME AND SHOW ME MITCH MCCONNELL'S DEAD, SHITTY BODY. I DEMAND CLOSURE.

[UNCONFIRMED RUMORS ARE THAT HE BOUGHT THE FARM AND IS CURRENTLY EATING SOFT SHIT IN HELL]

@LRRRonEarth So assuming you weren't paid to be there, or working for legacy media...

THEY DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO CHECK. THEY JUST JOG OUT ONTO THE FALSE FLOOR AND THEN *SKOOSHT* LUNCHTIME.

IT'S NOT SPORTING, EXACTLY, BUT MY CARDBOARD "FREE PUSSY" SIGN ENSURES A STEADY STREAM OF GUYS WHO VAPE WILL FALL INTO THE PIT FULL OF SHARP STICKS I MADE.

THE ATLANTIC NEEDS ("NEEDS") A NEW ARTS AND CULTURE REPORTER. PREFERABLY ONE WHO SEASONS.

I WENT LOOKING FOR THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF A FRIED TWINKIE, BUT I HAD TO SETTLE FOR KELSEY ABLES. IT'S LIKE IF RADICCHIO WAS A PERSON.

I WENT TO THE GREAT AMERICAN STATE FAIR TO GET A SNACK AND EVERYONE WAS EITHER JACKING OFF, WRITING A THINK PIECE FOR A LEGACY MEDIA ORGANIZATION, OR GETTING PAID TO BE THERE.

IS THIS WHAT LIVING IN EUROPE IS LIKE?

THESE ARE "TAX STAMP AND AN ATF INTERVIEW" FEELINGS.

I NEED TO EXPRESS MYSELF BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND A ROCKET LAUNCHER.

"HOW DO WE SHOW KIDS SMOKING IS BAD AND NOT ALLOWED?"

"A.I. SAYS TO SHOW THEM A SLOPPY UNCANNY VALLEY IMAGE OF A PUPPY BURNING ONE DOWN."

"SURE! I DON'T THINK AT ALL ANYMORE BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA."

I WENT TO A PETTING ZOO WITH H.G. AND HIS FAMILY (I AM VERY SNEAKY), AND SOMEONE GREENLIT THIS POINTLESS ATROCITY:

PERHAPS I'M TAKING THE WRONG MESSAGE FROM THIS. PUGS ARE SAD, SHITTY LITTLE ANIMALS WHO BITE YOUR FEET. MAYBE KIDS HATE PUGS AS REFLEXIVELY AS I HATE SLOP.

THE SLOP GENERATOR MUST HAVE WORMED ITS WAY INTO THE ALTRIA SUBLIMINAL IMAGERY BANK AND BUTCHERED WHATEVER IT FOUND.

"HOW DO WE SHOW KIDS SMOKING IS BAD AND NOT ALLOWED?"

"A.I. SAYS TO SHOW THEM A SLOPPY UNCANNY VALLEY IMAGE OF A PUPPY BURNING ONE DOWN."

"SURE! I DON'T THINK AT ALL ANYMORE BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA."

I WENT TO A PETTING ZOO WITH H.G. AND HIS FAMILY (I AM VERY SNEAKY), AND SOMEONE GREENLIT THIS POINTLESS ATROCITY:

The old world is dying, and the new one struggles to be born; now is the time of Mastodons.