White societies have adopted a self image that relies on "cogito ergo sum" -> "I think therefore I am" which is total and utter bullshit! It's the stupidest thing you could base your philosophy on. Our consciousness gives us the ability to feel more than think!
I really wish there were religions that weren't tainted by the patriarchy because they're too limited. We could be so great as a species.
And I really do believe that the sense of non-living that people have adopted by surrendering to consumption and abandoning creation is a really big problem that people like me get to address. I get to talk about religion, because I see how spirituality is missing from our lives and leaving us without a sense of ourselves and thus surrendering our needs, wants and desires to capitalism. If your faith lies in the material, you can't really construct meaning, because meaning comes from feeling.
I absolutely share that sentiment. Maybe it's because ADHD isn't my biggest problem and my fibromyalgia was triggered by unlucky circumstances, but I feel uncomfortable thinking about a life with less suffering because I got through all that, I practiced all the resilience I could muster up, met my biggest fears and any type of shame. I feel more alive and grateful than any able bodied, pain free person I've met so far. Overcoming things, uplifting and elevating yourself is a divine experience.
So people who are late diagnosed with neurodivergence, often times I've read/heard about this from AuDHDers, like to talk about how they feel like they missed out on another life because of their late diagnosis. Now I just saw the perfect response to that in the what-if episode from "unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" (S4E9): Kimmy says she doesn't want to think about it because she likes to believe she got where she is for a reason and otherwise she'd go crazy. ->
#audhd #neurodivergence
I'm too weird to wear normal business attire, so I got these incredible barefoot shoes and Italian socks made of linen and cotton only. I'd rather risk an unusual look for my job interview than wearing something that just doesn't feel like me. Trying to act as if I knew what it was like to be neurotypical gave me nothing but grief. I feel whimsically fearless with those shoes n socks.
The only person I've felt truly seen by so far is a local shop keeper I talk to regularly. He's the only person I've met so far that's deeply spiritual without any ego stuff in the way. I'm really tried of talking to people's egos and/or their pain instead of the people themselves. *ding dong epiphany* my nervous system is too sensitized to not be pulled into people's dysregulations. People's unsolved suffering is what makes them unsafe for me.
#audhd #fibromyalgia
I have a weird problem and a random (please explain if you know why it works) solution: I am one of the ten people who uses Mixcloud (I'm citing a comment that was made to me) and whenever I listen to HQ mixes on my Bluetooth speaker the sound gets messed up. UNLESS I turn off WiFi and turn on 5G (which is usually turned off because it eats up battery like crazy). I was so glad when I randomly connected the dots but man! What an annoying issue.
#android #bluetooth #mixcloud
The uncomfortable tales of Supernose:
I unfortunately clocked the smell that people emanate when they are on strong antidepressants. Now I really don't want to know that the person buying cans and cans of some alcoholic drink in the supermarket is on pills that should probably not be combined with alcohol. I don't want to know about random people's problems because I can smell the ammonia-ish smell of their skin. It feels like... I just know too much sometimes. 🫠
#hyperosmia #fibromyalgia
The true violence is happening elsewhere. We are no victims, we are perpetrators. we are rich, privileged and fat. There's nothing to defend here but racism, classism and misogyny. Seeing those big fancy blockages just made me realize how absurdly safe we are here while people are dying every second so we can have more than we need. I am disgusted by this whole weekend of celebrating a racist country. In my fucking city.
I had a bit of an interesting train of thought today because of what I saw when I entered the city centre by tram. This weekend the big German national holiday party is happening in my city and they already delivered all of those big heavy things that are supposed to keep acts of violence away. I was very irritated when I saw those and later I understood why: it just perpetuates this image of the poor aggressor, having to defend themself against violence while.....
I used to really wish to be attractive. I really wasn't because I was quite lost within myself, outside myself, just very lost. Now I've found my peace, did the yoga to make your aura glow, all that stuff and I'm attractive. Now I don't care for it. 😂 Being attractive to men is like a curse. You never feel like they want to get to know you, they just wanna stick their little dick somewhere.
Annoying.
I think we're slithering into a collective neurological crisis. The way people just disappear into the void of their phones all the time is seriously starting to creep me out. I've been training myself to desire it less and less to use my phone as a co-regulator and basically be as much as possible. Losing yourself in your thoughts because you're daydreaming and thinking about what you truly desire instead of consuming thoughts on social media is awesome!
I'd like to add that the recorder was originally designed as a substitute for violins, so more people could make music. If you think about it, the recorder being considered an easy kid's instrument might actually be linked to classism. I also remember that after 6th grade recorders weren't part of the school orchestra anymore and generally you won't find them in professional ones. I guess this is a really random example of how classism influences culture and I'm proudly playing the recorder.
I picked up the alto recorder again after not having seriously played in 16 years. Now I'm looking up performances of the pieces on YouTube and I realize I greatly underestimated this instrument. My teacher when I was a kid was kind enough not to tell me that professionals played really fast and intuitively accentuated the music while I was just reaching a very moderate pace. What I'm thinking about is how the recorder is seen as this simple kid's instrument while it's quite sophisticated.
Whenever I think about the origin of white supremacist cultural ideals and it's usually racism, misogyny and classism, I have to think of this scene from SpongeBob lol
